Start spreading the germs / They’re breeding today / It wants to be a part of me / New York, New York

I have ruined my daughter completely. If she wasn’t doomed to a life of neurosis and germ-phobia before, oh, she is now. We had a few Kodachrome-worthy mother-daughter moments in NYC, sure, but overall? Not so much. I could not relax, because the child was touching everything. Within an hour of our arrival at Penn Station, I could no longer see my child’s hands. In their place were two glowing petri dishes crawling with urban wretchedness.

Continue Reading 50 comments July 5th, 2006

Taxicabs and kids?

I feel like all I ever do is ask you guys for advice. This is turning into sort of a Dear Heloise column, except Heloise is the clueless, neurotic one with splintery floors and bad wallpaper.

Dear Heloise, You’re a wreck. How could you not consider polyurethane? Sincerely, Us.

Continue Reading 42 comments July 1st, 2006

Floored, as usual

If you are an expert on antique wood floors, this would be a very, very good time to delurk. What am I looking at? Why was the carpet underlay made from pink mice?

Continue Reading 75 comments June 27th, 2006

I would have you over but God hasn’t changed our cedar shavings for a while

I bet your house smells pretty. I bet you have better legs than I do AND your house smells pretty.

Continue Reading 27 comments June 26th, 2006

The lighting was off

I got David to snap another one this morning so you wouldn’t worry. It really shows the importance of good lighting.

Continue Reading 21 comments June 25th, 2006

The best birthday present ever

Look at my blue Swedish mailbox! I am not even Swedish and I love this mailbox! I have yet to find a Polish mailbox that looks this good!

Continue Reading 33 comments June 23rd, 2006

36 years ago this morning

Thirty-six years ago this morning, my mom was heard exclaiming, “It’s a girl? What am I going to do with her hair?”

Continue Reading 60 comments June 22nd, 2006

Happy Father’s Day to the guy who still needs to lie down

Today, doing laundry, I was thinking about how it all started. For him. Maybe I am just guessing. Maybe I am being presumptuous, thinking I could know.

I can supply the date. October 1st, 2000.

Continue Reading 32 comments June 18th, 2006

So You Think You Can Parent

The Bouncy Cabana drove me to it. Spank! Spank! Spank!

Continue Reading 34 comments June 14th, 2006

Hattie Belle hearts everything and everyone

Who is this happy child?
Did you send her here?
What did you put in her food?
How much do I owe you?

Continue Reading 38 comments June 10th, 2006