Because every day is Mother’s Day

My mom’s birthday is tomorrow (that’s right! go wish The Mater a happy birthday!), and Mother’s Day is coming up, so I’ve been looking for just the right thing for my favorite little lady.

So there I was, about a week ago, perusing the Gaiam (”a lifestyle company”) catalog wondering if my mom would like a Zen fountain or some yoga pants, when I stumbled upon this intriguing item.

At which point I checked the cover of the catalog to make sure it was, in fact, the Gaiam catalog and not another sort of catalog altogether.

Yup.

“Dear Gaiam Customer Service Team,

I’m searching for a special gift for my mom’s birthday, and the Kegelcisor (#43-0043 and #15-0786) really caught my eye. Your organic cotton pajamas (#04-0288) look very nice, but this year I want to get my mother something she’d never get for herself. I figure she’d get a week (tops) out of a vase of roses, but I get the distinct impression that the Kegelcisor is forever.

Before I splurge, I have a few questions:

1) Your catalog description says that the Kegelcisor comes in two sizes (the original Kegelcisor, 7″ long, and the Kegel Enhancer, 3 7/8″ long). I see online that the original Kegelcisor is $80, but the more petite Enhancer costs a full $10 more. This seems counterintuitive, but it’s true that I am not well-versed in Kegelcisors. I assumed the “more bang for your buck” concept would apply to the 7″ model, but now I’m wondering if the mini version (”ideal for beginners and those who want a smaller device”) is the way to go for Mom. Can you explain the price difference?

2) If I go in this direction for my mom’s birthday, I want to be sure I can explain the Kegelcisor’s features to my mother in full, so she doesn’t wind up using it as a rolling pin or as a stake for her tomato plants.

The Gaiam catalog description says “when inserted, the cool (70-degree F) temperature automatically causes your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle to contract correctly, and with regular use, helps reduce incontinence and enhance pleasure.”

Can you be more specific? My mother is the kind of woman who likes to follow a recipe exactly. Does the Kegelcisor need to be kept in the refrigerator between uses, or will it stay at room temperature? Does it require a cool-down period to keep it from overheating?

3) I know my mother will ask me about the three distinct lumps on the Kegelcisor. I was wondering if the manufacturer provided your company with any material on that feature?

4) I was thinking about having my mother’s bowling nickname engraved on the Kegelcisor, but I’m worried that the “lightly textured stainless steel” surface might not take engraving well. Thoughts?

5) I’m assuming this is a all-sales-final no-returns item?

Thanks for any additional information you can provide on the Kegelcisor, the gift that keeps on giving. Apparently!”

_________

Sadly, the Gaiam Customer Service Team has not responded to my product inquiry.

_________

I had better luck at the manufacturer’s site, where the customer reviews were compelling:

“I love my Kegelcisor! Being stainless steel, it shall never wear out! Every woman should own one!! Thank you!!!”

“All I have to say is wow. Sometimes I leave it in and do my daily activities. IT IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!”

“Unintimidating, sturdy and effective. Easy to use but would prefer to have explicit exercise instructions. Quick note, being stainless steel it conducts heat easily so be prepared to gently warm it up on a cold day and definitely wait for it to cool if you have put in boiling water.”

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But I needed more info. I found another place online that offered the Kegelcisor—a friendly company called Babeland—and emailed my questions.

A very nice lady named Kerry responded right away:

“Hello Jenn,

Thanks for writing. The Kegelcisor does have a paper with slight instructions. For a warmer and thorough welcoming, you might want to include Betty Dodson’s book “Sex for One” and a bottle of lubrication with your mother’s gift.

We also carry Betty’s Barbell, but the Kegelcisor is made of solid stainless steel and doesn’t have the possibility of chipping, so it’s safer.

The PC muscles can be exercised with or without a weighty kegelcisor, by squeezing and releasing the kegel muscles in a set of reps; it’s the same motion as stopping a flow of urine midflow. The coolness of the Kegelcisor can definitely contribute to the PC muscles contracting. However, like iron weights at a gym, room temperature will suffice to keep it cool. If she’d like it colder or warmer, she can run it under water or put it in the fridge. The bulbous parts of the Kegelcisor ensures that it bumps against the right places.

I advise against engraving the Kegelcisor unless your mother uses it with a condom. Bacteria can grow in the grooves and lead to yeast infections.

Babeland’s 30-day returns policy allows returns for any reason for this product, even after it has been used, so it’s a no-fear purchase.

Your mom’s a very lucky lady to have a thoughtful daughter as you.

Good luck and tell your mom, Have fun!

Kerry
Babeland Customer Fulfillment”

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All of which left me thinking:

Who is Betty?

Why does she do that with her barbells?

I forgot to ask about gift bags.

55 comments March 14th, 2006