Ballerina, do not lick my floor.
How are you? I am fine. Today I said some things.
Continue Reading 6 comments September 30th, 2005
Archive for September, 2005
Semi-sweet nothings
And now, back to our regularly scheduled blog.
Continue Reading 15 comments September 27th, 2005
Results are in!
Thanks to all who took the b’eaw Have-Ye-No-Shame-Woman Delurking Challenge! The PricewaterhouseCoopers guys were just here in their scary armored van! I saw the shiny briefcase! Read on for the results…
Continue Reading 20 comments September 26th, 2005
Blogs: The New High School
I like to think that [leave a comment] I could have been a wicked hot cheerleader [leave a comment] if my mom had put me in dance class [you know you want to] before I got fat and had to wear Pretty Plus sizes [leave a comment, for the love of God, just leave a comment].
Continue Reading 81 comments September 23rd, 2005
Hannah Karenina
Our tragic heroine—forced by her cruel, unfeeling parents to go to the synagogue and make challah bread covers—finally escapes to meet her secret lover behind Inky the Jewish Therapy Dog’s pen.
Continue Reading 6 comments September 23rd, 2005
Candied iron? Ironed candy?
Sixth anniversary! Code Love! Get me a gift consult, stat!
Continue Reading 15 comments September 21st, 2005
A short play about pants
Please take your seats and turn off all cell phones.
Continue Reading 11 comments September 20th, 2005
Return of the Squalor: The Thing That’s Supposed to Hit the Fan Hits Everything But the Fan
Come, friends. Come, Layla, of Comment #22, Post #68. Walk a mile in my shoes. I’ll provide paper towels so you can clean them off afterwards.
Continue Reading 26 comments September 15th, 2005
Tonight’s bedtime story: Mommy’s Scary Side Effects
Cost of prescription: $3 copay. Cost of scarring child for life by acting out the side effects: priceless. Bad, bad, mightily dumb Mommy.
Continue Reading 11 comments September 13th, 2005
The classiest lady
Her genes were better than she wanted them to be—like both of her parents, she’d made it into her 90s, and she was somewhat less than thrilled by this. She’d just about had it with her good genes. “I’m ready to go,” she’d been sighing for years. “I don’t understand why I’m still here.” When I’d suggest that perhaps God still had a few plans left in store for her, she’d roll her eyes and smile.
Continue Reading 9 comments September 10th, 2005