I would like to feather an Empty Nest. Now.

No, they are not growing up fast, and no, time does not fly. Not here, it doesn’t.

Continue Reading 28 comments August 29th, 2005

Let them eat Play-Doh, redux

Yes, we have no bananas. Or peaches. Or plums. My children subsist on white yogurt and white buttered noodles and white American cheese. I can do no more.

Continue Reading 10 comments August 25th, 2005

Home, sweet home. Really.

There are posher parts of Berkshire County, the parts you tend to read about in “lifestyle” magazines and the travel section in Sunday’s New York Times, but that’s not where we are.

I like where we are.

Continue Reading 18 comments August 24th, 2005

Incoming suitable!

Sure, it’s a suitable dress, if tantric wedding operas happen to be your kind of thing.

Continue Reading 17 comments August 22nd, 2005

Great expectorations

The H-Bomb drops again, this time at dinner. She is the reincarnation of Jesse James. Tomorrow, I am writing to one of those Outdoor Brat Camps to get her waitlisted.

Continue Reading 16 comments August 19th, 2005

Smells like bikini spirit

Apparently, my French is even worse than I thought.

Continue Reading 6 comments August 18th, 2005

24 hours

Behold the loveliness of household haiku.

Lovingly crafted by the domestically insane.

Continue Reading 14 comments August 16th, 2005

Ahoy from Uncle Drunkie!

A tape! A tape! My squalid kingdom for a cassette tape of decent children’s music!

Continue Reading 24 comments August 15th, 2005

Summer’s revenge

Serves me right for bringing up the muu muus.

Continue Reading 9 comments August 13th, 2005

Summer and spring, the wretched sluts

The cruelest half of the year is whipping my sweaty butt. Soon I will be forced to heed the call of the muu muu. Keep your cameras handy.

Continue Reading 22 comments August 11th, 2005