Bambi grass is better than Bambi gas

Bambi grass is served!

Continue Reading 23 comments October 15th, 2006

Shake it

Shakin’ my bum-bum
Nothin’ much to say
Shakin’ my bum-bum
Nothin’ much to seh-aaaay

Shakin’ your bum-bum
Nothin’ much to say
Shakin’ your bum-bum
Nothin’ much to seh-aaaay

—Sophie’s new “rockin roll” song, which she has been singing all evening (and shaking her own bum-bum to). I think she should sell the lyrics to Britney.

14 comments October 8th, 2006

It germs, my dears

I am starting to wonder about my parenting style. I know I slap a lot of Purell on their hands, I know this is a house where sick dogs do unspeakable things to floors, which makes me a mother who screams, “DON’T GO IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR BARE FEET! TERRIBLE THINGS ON THE FLOOR! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!”

The topic of the day is germophobic parenting, my dears.

Continue Reading 25 comments September 28th, 2006

I just like the way this sounds

Hannah is driving me red-hot mad. —Sophie

14 comments August 29th, 2006

How to get yourself smited

I offend myself.

Continue Reading 39 comments August 8th, 2006

Stay away from the baby, Bobby McFerrin

I tried to be a good mother. I offered up a brief but fervent prayer for guidance to the heavens, but Bobby McFerrin intercepted it.

Continue Reading 15 comments August 3rd, 2006

The Flower, a poem by Sophie

When she is not busy turning me into Willem Dafoe, she writes beautiful poetry.

Continue Reading 25 comments July 23rd, 2006

Hattie Belle hearts everything and everyone

Who is this happy child?
Did you send her here?
What did you put in her food?
How much do I owe you?

Continue Reading 38 comments June 10th, 2006

Octobe if it’s a boy, Novembe if it’s a girl.

Woo hoo! Let’s talk baby names!

Continue Reading 90 comments June 6th, 2006

It would make one helluva country song

Sophie: Mommy, your breasts are flopping all around. You’ve got the floppiest breasts in town.

28 comments May 31st, 2006