A short play about pants
September 20th, 2005
Flossing husband: Which dropoff do you want to do tomorrow morning?
Showering wife: I’ll take Hannah to daycare. I don’t need pants that fit to go there. But when I buy some pants that fit, I can do the preschool dropoff again.
Flossing husband: [perplexed silence]
Showering wife: It’s a female thing. A woman would understand this.
Flossing husband: [exasperated silence]
Showering wife: What?
Flossing husband: You write all about me and my narcolepsy and make me sound all [indecipherable]. I want to know when you’re going to write about THIS. About—
Showering wife: About my psychological pant issues? About the butt that only a husband could love?
Flossing husband: Yes. YES.
Showering wife, no longer showering: I’m going to.
Flossing husband, no longer flossing: All right then.
CURTAIN
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Playdates. (Relationships)
11 Comments
1. Simon | September 20th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
Man, I can’t even remember the last time I flossed on any kind of regular basis other than after a meal involving corn on the cob. Or that really annoying chunk of steak that, even after 20 minutes, your tongue just can’t work out.
I hate that!
2. Rebecca | September 20th, 2005 at 6:38 pm
Understood.
3. Paula | September 20th, 2005 at 11:28 pm
That’s the beauty of drop-off with older children: no one need ever see your pants. I’ve been tempted to go with pajama bottoms some days.
4. Barb | September 21st, 2005 at 6:32 am
And WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DON”T NOTICE WHAY MY DAYCARE PARENTS ARE WEARING?????? Unlike some I am awake! ha ha ha There are days when I’ve been tempted to greet all with my pajamas on just to see the reaction.
5. Spot the Wonder Dog | September 21st, 2005 at 9:53 am
“A Short Play About Pants”, the latest offering by writer Jenn Mattern, left this reviewer with the impression that what we’re really seeing is a work-in-progress. The writer does a fair job capturing the audience’s interest, with the sillouette of the self-conscious wife speaking from behind the shower curtain (an interesting bit of set work). The dramatic tension builds rather quickly, sucking in the audience to a tale of security, insecurity, hopes and dreams.
The husband presents as a complicated character, one is left wondering if his constant flossing is meant to symbolize a deep-seated insecurity with dental hygeine, perhaps offering a glimpse into what may be a tortured soul. His concern about his darkest secrets being laid out for all to see is a compelling insight into the human condition.
The showering wife, by contrast, demonstrates the liberating power of total exposure. The wife “lets it all hang out”, so to speak, and in doing so frees herself from the constant angst of undisclosed secret shames. The “pants that fit” can symbolize anything the viewer holds dear. Clearly, they are a “Holy Grail” of sorts for the showering wife. Surely, we all seek our own “pants that fit” in life, the guilty, vain, pleasure that, once obtained, frees us from the fear of judgment by our peers and demonstrates our unmitigated success, for all the world to see. The wife, though ironically expressing the most concern about the appearance of her motherly butt, bares said butt for all to see. This “cathartic mooning” of the audience helps us all to realize that our troubles may not look quite so large when viewed from a distance.
Sadly, after establishing these deep symbolic images and tense backdrop, the author rushes to a resolution. While there is a certain artistic quality to brevity, there was just so much more that could have been done with these characters.
-Could the husband have come to the realization that the rest of the world, whose judgment he so fears, only flosses right before going to the dentist?
-Could the wife have waxed nostalgic about the innocent days when all her pants fit?
-Perhaps the husband’s obsession with invisible hygeine been further explored? Perhaps an extended toenail clipping session, or an ear-hair trimming? How deep does his depravity really go?
All in all, while not an unenjoyable theater experience, this particular piece needs to be further developed. The seeds of a great play have been planted, let’s hope they grow and flourish.
6. R J Keefe | September 21st, 2005 at 10:56 am
Is the shower curtain transparent, translucent, or opaque?
7. kris | September 21st, 2005 at 8:53 pm
that pants thing…. I do something very similar depending on where I’m going that day.
The internal dialogue goes something like this: Am I seeing good friends who don’t mind what I look like, or the other friends who will talk about me like a dog after I leave, or am I going to a board meeting or the doctor’s office, etc etc etc.
who thought choosing pants could be so difficult?
8. geogirl | September 22nd, 2005 at 6:54 pm
Absolutly understand about the pants.
Loved the play….loved spot’s “review” even more!!
9. Amy | September 23rd, 2005 at 9:39 pm
I thought I was the only one with pre-school parent neurosis. I always feel as if I am the only one who shows up disheveled with a combination of spit-up, poo (under the finger nails usually), and peanut butter and jelly on my clothes not to mention bad hair, brows desperately in need of plucking and dark circles under my eyes. And this is all at pick-up! I can’t even get it together for 12:30pm! Oh, and I backed into the sign in the parking lot today in my politically incorrect SUV…. By the way, I also liked Spot’s comments, but they cannot be fully appreciated until I sober up. Too many big words after two glasses of wine (sad, but true). p.s. a belated happy anniversary!
10. moxie | September 23rd, 2005 at 9:50 pm
This morning -
the husband: what are you DOING?
me (rifling through the pile on the couch): Looking for a shirt!
the husband: you’re WEARING a shirt.
me: I’m looking for a shirt that doesn’t make me look like THIS.
11. geogirl | September 24th, 2005 at 8:52 am
Please!
You are talking about the half of our species that wears black socks with white tennis shoes. They will NEVER get it!
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