Incoming suitable!
August 22nd, 2005
“I think this is a suitable dress,” says Sophie, holding up one of the circa-80s Barbie frocks Barb gave her today after cleaning out their closets in preparation for their upcoming move.
“Suitable?”
“It means an outfit, and even though it’s not a dress, it looks pretty,” she says primly, in her best Church Lady voice. She makes her new hand-me-down Barbie and Ken waltz gracefully on her lap. “They are canceling their marriage because they’re not sure about each other yet.”
“That’s a good idea,” I say. “Don’t want to rush into anything. A lot of grownups do that, decide to cancel a marriage.”
“Did you do that?”
“Not exactly. I came a little close to marrying somebody else, but I married Daddy.”
“Oh, yeah,” she chirps. “I always wanted you to marry him because he’s such a nice daddy.”
She zooms the dress and the Barbie through the air over to my lap, yelling, “Incoming suitable! Incoming suitable!”
“Incoming suitable?”
“Can you help me put this dress on her? It’s a wavy butterfly dress.”
I try, but one snap is missing. I do the best I can, then return Barbie to her.
She is gravely displeased by the gap in the back of the dress and pushes Barbie back at me. “No, Mommy, you didn’t do it!”
I point out the missing snap to her.
“Thank you for showing me,” she says. “I really like when you show me things I don’t really like.”
A little while later, I glance up to find Barbie and Ken locked in a most compromising position, one that I have seen only once, in a 2-D stick-figure-diagram format. The stick figures had looked mortified, and my heart had gone out to them.
But Barbie and Ken don’t seem to mind one bit. Boom, chicka, boom, meow. The nuptial couple has clearly reconciled, and nobody seems the least bummed out about the missing snap anymore. Or about the missing dress. Or Ken’s missing pants.
Sophie notices me noticing their interesting, er, posture. I smile falteringly.
She wiggles them around. “They are singing their wedding opera. BAaaah GADEEE LA da TOOKIE WEEEEE gadadeeEEEEE golooo BAHHH meee DAAAAleeeloooo MAHMAH meeeee—”
She points at a row of other Barbies and Kens, sitting and smiling and watching the hot wedding opera action.
“They are having their wedding opera for their students.”
“The students” seem to be enjoying themselves immensely. Wedding Barbie and Ken chant and howl as they continue their tantric demonstration midair, flipping and rolling and diving aerodynamically like mating plastic eagles.
When Wedding Barbie and Ken finally wrap things up, they collapse in a leggy heap upon “the students.” It’s a very happy-looking group.
I’m flushed. I don’t know where to look. My Barbies went to school and took care of the kids. My Kens fixed the cabinets and drove the Superstar Barbie Van, and not one of them ever tried to channel Sting in order to rock a Barbie’s world. I wonder briefly if this is what Scientology is all about.
I think I am going to ask Sophie if I can send Wedding Barbie and Ken and their “students” to the bodypainting party in my place.
My newest internal bumper sticker: I really like when people show me things I don’t really like.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Birds, bees. (Sex), Tattletales. (Mouths of babes)
17 Comments
1. elizabeth | August 22nd, 2005 at 11:29 pm
taking a break from the packing week from hell… lots of stuff is coming together and costing much more than i thought - but i hope it will be would but - just think next week at this time… i will be moved, dead and broke…
thanks for all the great stories… e
2. Bavardeuse | August 23rd, 2005 at 12:03 am
If only real operas were that way (everything written on an open vowel with scenes ending in a REAL climax) , I would know why I decided to become an opera singer. We live in hope, I guess.
3. elizabeth | August 23rd, 2005 at 3:01 am
operas - i just realized WHERE did Sophie learn about operas!?? are either of you closet opera lovers? anyway, it thrills me to hear that Sophie has been introduced to that fabulous art form.
4. geogirl | August 23rd, 2005 at 7:00 am
“Incoming Suitable?”
What on earth has this child been watching???
On the other hand, I guess she figured out the answer to that whole “drunken sailor” question.
5. Jenn | August 23rd, 2005 at 9:23 am
We can not figure out where the opera interest is coming from. She’s always talking about opera, but we’ve really only been listening to the darn drunken sailors and Mammy. I think it may be a past life thing.
We have plenty of answers for what to do with a drunken Barbie.
Bavardeuse and Erin, perhaps Sophie should do an opera internship with you.
6. Spot the Wonder Dog | August 23rd, 2005 at 10:44 am
“They are singing their wedding opera.”
The Magic Flute?
7. The Hubby | August 23rd, 2005 at 11:15 am
I think the opera education is care of the classical music Leap Pad book. There’s a page on Gilbert and Sullivan, Mozart and so on . . . . complete with audible samples. Who knew it would make such an impression
8. Paula | August 23rd, 2005 at 12:09 pm
It’s amazing what Ken can do being hoojackapiffily challenged. (Sorry, you shouldn’t encourage me). Yes, Barbie school has indeed come a long way since I was a child
9. Erin | August 23rd, 2005 at 12:40 pm
Sophie’s tantric opera would be a big hit in opera circles, I can already tell! Modern directors LOVE that stuff!
A lot of opera companies have young artists do performances in the schools - my little sister (okay, she’s 26 but still littler than ME) can still remember every aria and scene she saw in productions that came to our elementary school - it always made a big impression on us. Maybe Sophie saw something like that at school?
10. Slimbolala | August 23rd, 2005 at 1:40 pm
I guess all of the nagging speculation about Ken’s sexual orientation has been resoundingly silenced.
(Is that what the “hoojackapiffily challenged” coment was about? I’m not down with the lingo.)
11. Jenn | August 23rd, 2005 at 3:00 pm
Hey, Slimbolala! We’ll have you down with the lingo in no time at all. Over here, girls have froufyhoohas, boys have hoojackapiffies, and Ken, well, he doesn’t have much of anything, but the ladies love him anyway.
12. geogirl | August 23rd, 2005 at 3:24 pm
And Paula has managed to use it as a noun an adjective and possibly even an adverb.
Next up: VERB.
Ken and Barbie sitting in a tree
Hoo-jack-a-piff I-N-G…
13. The Homosexuals | August 23rd, 2005 at 5:10 pm
“I really like when people show me things I don’t really like.”
Could be a tee shirt…
14. R J Keefe | August 23rd, 2005 at 7:48 pm
At least Sophie didn’t actually say “Tantric.
15. Chopin Gal | August 23rd, 2005 at 9:18 pm
I don’t know, the last three syllables of Sophie’s “tantric opera” look suspiciously familiar … “MAH MAH meeeee”?!
If you sing it rather quickly, it sounds a lot like those songs of the South: “My Mammy” :>) Shades of Al Jolson! Sophie is so not PC.
16. kris | August 26th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
Spot made me laugh so hard, I woke the baby, and I had to come back to write this after I put him back to sleep.
“The Magic Flute?”
I know, I’m easily amused. It’s the sleep deprivation.
17. Mom | October 6th, 2005 at 12:00 am
i am new to your site and love, love, love it. can i make you a link? blog…not sausage.
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