It germs, my dears
September 28th, 2006
“No, dears, you can’t touch your head. It germs.”
I am playing Baby and Mommy with Hannah. She is the Mommy, and I am the Baby. I am lying on her bedroom floor with my head on her little plush Pooh seat.
I try again to scratch the itch on my head, but she grabs my hand and puts it under my blanket. “No, my dears! You can’t do that! You can’t touch your head! It GERMS.”
“My head has germs?”
“Yes, my dears.” She busies herself preparing some “medicine” for me, presumably to take care of my germs.
“Waah. Waah.” I am a rather listless Baby.
“Now, my dears, drink your medicine, or you have to go to the doctor.”
I pretend to take my medicine, which is actually a rolled up ball of Play-Doh.
“There. I took my medicine, Mommy.”
She scowls. “IF YOU DON’T BEHAVE, THEN I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTOR!”
“But I am behaving,” I say. “I took my medicine.”
“Okay, then lie down, my dears. I have to go do my work.”
“No, stay!”
“IF YOU DON’T BEHAVE I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTOR!”
“Oh, okay.” Clearly we are not telegraphing Good Messages about doctors in this house.
“Don’t touch that, my dears! It GERMS!” She snatches a pair of blunt Play-Doh scissors out of my hands.
I pick up something else, a Play-Doh garlic press thingie. She grabs it away from me.
“NO MY DEARS! YOU CAN’T! IF YOU DON’T BEHAVE I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTOR! THIS GERMS!”
I am starting to wonder about my parenting style. I know I slap a lot of Purell on their hands, I know this is a house where sick dogs do unspeakable things to floors, which makes me a mother who screams, “DON’T GO IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR BARE FEET! TERRIBLE THINGS ON THE FLOOR! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!”
The topic of the day is germophobic parenting, my dears.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Because I said so. (Parenting), Tattletales. (Mouths of babes)
25 Comments
1. bee | September 28th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Eeeewww! Now I feel like I have to go take a shower! Except—you know it, my shower GERMS!!!!!
2. Nancy | September 28th, 2006 at 7:13 pm
I had a moment of not-so-good revelation this week when my older daughter told her doll, several times, “You’re plucking my last nerve.” Hmmmm…. methinks perhaps I’ve used that phrase (about my littler child) a little too much.
3. Momish | September 28th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
I love the “my dears”, now that is just too cute! I have to honestly say, my child does not have this impression of me. I let her eat of the floors. I’m just letting you in on that secret so you will feel much better about yourself and your parenting skills. It could be worse, you could be me.
4. J | September 28th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
My younger one eats off the floor too, I try and stop him but he scrambles under the table like Gollum with his tidbits.
The “my dears it germs” is the cutest damn thing by the way.
5. ChristyD | September 28th, 2006 at 10:38 pm
I love how she turned “germs” into a verb. My toddler was “germing” a huge mess tonight… it’s on my blog. By the way, you play a very compliant baby.
6. ozma | September 29th, 2006 at 1:54 am
I really am a germaphobe but she hasn’t displayed the neurotic symptoms of my constant freak outs yet. It is strange–It all started when I got pregant. Do the hormones do it to us, ya think? When’d you start?
7. Ana | September 29th, 2006 at 2:11 am
LOL! It germs, it geeeeerms!
At least your girls are touching family germs though. My son loves this little, useless metal post at the park entrance. I mean loooooves it. He has to hug and *kiss* it every time we’re there. I think this all started after I took a picture of him eating his first dirt.
8. karina | September 29th, 2006 at 9:01 am
Hattie Belle’s frequent use of “my dears” really cracks me up too. You’re really raising a household of Victorians up there in the Berkshires, aren’t you? (Germophobic Victorians, that is.)
9. Vikki | September 29th, 2006 at 9:36 am
I had never thought about threatening to take my children to the doctor in order to keep them in line. That’s quite a parenting tip!
10. Spot the Wonder Dog | September 29th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Hmmmm. Just tell her that boys have germs and you’ll never have to worry about her dating in high school.
11. Woman with Kids | September 29th, 2006 at 10:30 am
The Boys would freak her right out… and probably you too. If the warning was that there are germs available, they’d be all over that.
12. Simon | September 29th, 2006 at 11:39 am
How appropriate, then, that your head was resting on her Pooh seat. Scatalogical humour is NEVER in bad form!
13. Jonathon | September 29th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
I’ve taken a renegade approach to germ management — overwhelmed at the very notion that I could possilby control all the germs Little-E almost compulsively ingests.
In short, I’ve pretty much given up.
I’m consoled by reports that allergies, etc are caused by overly sterile/clean environments, and that really, really what I’m doing is building up her immune systems against future invaders.
Right. Exactly. Helping her. Yeah.
14. geogirl | September 29th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
As long as she’s not wearing tissue boxes on her feet I think she’ll be ok.
15. The Homosexuals | September 29th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Hattie! You’re so cute! It kills me!
16. JustLinda | September 29th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
What does the average CDC employee make? I’d figure that out and then either play her fear up or down…whichever would make you retirement more comfortable when she has to support you.
17. The Mentor Mom | September 29th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
I recently did some posts on parenting styles. I don’t recall “germophobic” as one of the categories, but now you have me thinking. Would having more than four of the little keychain Purell hand sanitizers not including the ones attached to my kids backpacks be a sign of a germophobe? Hmmmm…
18. the Mater | September 29th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
For another look at Lady Hannah, sans germs, you can check out my haiku.
http://themater.blogspot.com
19. R J Keefe | October 1st, 2006 at 9:55 am
What a very interesting game!
20. samantha Jo Campen | October 2nd, 2006 at 10:20 pm
OMG I love it! She is so stinkin’ cute!
I fear for our future children about my OCD regarding germs. My husband tells me on a regular basis, with complete sincerity, that we will NOT raise our kids in a bubble thankyouvermuch because he knows I would if we could.
Sigh.
21. the Mater | October 2nd, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Lesson of the Day
I germ We germ
You germ You germ
He she or it germs They germ
All God’s children gotta germ
Dogs germ (a lot, especially on kitchen floors)
Moms don’t germ
Dads don’t mind germing as much as Moms
Grandmoms are somewhere in the middle
Washing hands with soap is degerming.
Someone should write a silly limerick for all this but I’m going to bed. I’ve already degermed for the night.
22. Eve | October 3rd, 2006 at 1:08 pm
Haha! So excellent!
It’s beautiful how the circle of OCD continues throughout the generations.
23. domestic slackstress Kim in Cali | October 3rd, 2006 at 3:06 pm
Dogs? You don’t even want to know what my 5-year-old son, 3-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter did to my pretty, shiny natural wood floors the last time they got the runs. Horrible. Not to mention immensely embarrassing in front of the house guests who were unlucky enough to be staying with our sick butts that week. Keep the Purell flowing. Hang in there. Lysol is made of everything bad for you but keeps everything bad away from you? I don’t get it.
24. LM | October 3rd, 2006 at 4:59 pm
It sounds counterintuitive, but there’s growing evidence that suggests exposing children to moderate amounts of dirt, germs, and allergens may actually be good for their long-term health:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-03-19-allergies-cover_x.htm
25. Paige | October 8th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
When my sister and I were little, my mother used to hiss “Don’t sit” anytime we had to use a public bathroom.
With an upbringing like that, you’d think I’d be giving Avery a Purell scrubdown every five seconds. Instead, I swoop her up anytime I sense she’s near a kid that’s a little too phlegmmy and let her be for a bit when she’s wallowing in her own goo.
And yet one of her new favorite things to say is “gwoss, Mommy.”
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