My inferior, infidelity-and-80s-pop–addled brain
September 15th, 2006
Oh, my brain is full this morning. It is full of things I wish it were not full of, i.e., all the words to Huey Lewis’s “The Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Still Beating,” and “Sister Christian.” I don’t know why she’s the only one to say okay, I don’t know why she’s motorin’, but I’ll be damned if I don’t know all the words. I heard it this morning and my brain won’t stop crooning it to me and it actually hurts. I want it to stop. Stop the Sister Christian ride. I want to get off.
“Who sings ‘Sister Christian’?”
Blank stare from David. “I don’t know that song.”
“WHAT? Of course you know ‘Sister Christian.’ SISTER CHRISTIAN! She’s MO-TOR-IN.”
“I don’t think so.”
“She’s mo-tor-in’! She’s finding Mr. Right! She’ll be all right tonight!”
He wants me to stop half-talking and half-singing at him. “Oh…right…maybe I know that one.”
My brain is clogged with bad pop music from the 1980s. It is stopped up with ’80s pop sewage. It is at its worst pop-receptive state on the mornings when I drive Soph to kindergarten. There are not a lot of radio stations up here in the mountains, and this is what I get for giving up on cities altogether.
My brain is not full of things that I wish it were full of, i.e., required reading for book group. My book group met last night. I had three sangrias and a large fingerful of peppered Brie because I was humiliated to find out that the book I was supposed to have read was not, in fact, a historical non-fiction, as I had been telling anyone who had asked about my book group, but a famous Pulitzer-Prize–winning novel.
This past week I told at least three people that my book group was reading All the King’s Men. “What’s it about?” these people asked.
“Oh, you know,” I said. “All the King’s Men.”
They waited, all three of them, separately.
“You know. That famous politician. Willie Stark.”
Confused but polite nods.
“They’re making a movie of it. Sean Penn. Jude Law. Kate Winslet. You know.”
I was very proud of my Hollywood scoop. I had even watched the trailer on Apple.com. I excitedly told a few of the book group gals.
“There’s already a movie version,” one said. “I rented it. It’s really different from the book.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well…then you know.”
Shortly after this, when book discussion began, I found out that Willie Stark did not exist, had never existed, and that I had been telling unsuspecting citizens that Willie Stark was a key political figure in shaping U.S. history.
I hung my brain in shame and considered a fourth sangria, but decided I had already lost too many brain cells, and the remaining ones are already faulty and overtaxed with “Sister Christian” lyrics and my Celebrity Boyfriend List and wondering why Gandhi was mean to his family, and who Martin Luther King cheated on his wife with, and if anyone we know is having a torrid affair, because if MLK could squeeze in a few booty calls, then somebody out here must be pina-colading and getting lost in the rain and making love at midnight with someone they shouldn’t be doing that with.
My brain is full of other useless knowledge and useless curiosity this morning as well, but you’ve been kind enough to read this far and I don’t want to take advantage of you.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Time-out. (General insanity)
36 Comments
1. Vikki | September 15th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Ah yes…head full of useful things. I’m with ya’.
1)names and little personal tidbits of many 70’s and 80’s TV stars - check
2)commercial jingles from childhood (including one for a plumbing company in KC from about 25 years ago) - check
3)Lines from a lifetime of TV and movies - check
Now, why can’t remember to send my son to school with a jacket?
2. Kevin | September 15th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Night Ranger - One of my favs in the mid to late 80’s.
3. Laziza | September 15th, 2006 at 10:23 am
The entire script of The Princess Bride? Check.
“You mocked me once — never do it again! I died that day. And you can die, too, for all I care!”
“As…. you…. wish…”
“Oh, my sweet Wesley, what have I done?”
See? THIS IS WHAT I’M SAYING?
4. Huey Long | September 15th, 2006 at 10:26 am
Willie Stark did exist, so you’re not wrong about your book club reading afterall. I was the all powerful Governor of Louisiana, the king of the machine whom Robert Penn Warren based his historical novel–some would even call it historical non-fiction, that every high school history student had to read one year or another.
5. Bethany | September 15th, 2006 at 10:37 am
I met my husband at a Night Ranger concert (and as a disclaimer, I was there against my will. He was not.) I had the DJ play Sister Christian at our reception, but not until very, very late when most of the guests were gone. So think of me while you hum it, won’t you?
6. Woman with Kids | September 15th, 2006 at 11:10 am
Um… is there something wrong with being able to quote every word from the Princess Bride? Does it make it better if you dance around the house having a mock sword fight while yelling “HELLO! My name is…”?
7. Simon | September 15th, 2006 at 11:15 am
My best cure for an unseemly inundation of 1980s pop tripe is to incessantly hum, whistle and sing the theme song from Gilligan’s Isle. Works every time.
The problem being, then, what to do to get rid of that? Corey Hart’s Sunglasses at NIght?
8. veronica | September 15th, 2006 at 11:56 am
That horrible song has been going through my head since I read this this morning. Curse you.
9. Amy | September 15th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
I always get stuck with the opening credits songs for PBS kids shows stuck in my head. Could you pass along a little Night Ranger? It has to be better than Barney (which my two year old sings.)
10. Kristin | September 15th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Everyone’s crazy bout a sharp dressed man.
11. bee | September 15th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
I remember that song. I thought it was something about a motor inn. I guess I was too young for romance…
12. Catherine | September 15th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Jenn, did you ever see that Roz Chast cartoon–I think it’s called “How Your Memory Works”? A woman is walking down the street and inside her brain it says “Seal and Heidi Klum?” and in the trash can behind her it says “art history” and “everyone’s phone numbers.”
But I have the thing you have too–where a song comes on from the 80s and I know every single word, like my brain has just sponged up all the bad lyrics in the whole world. And Michael always says, “How do you know that song?” and I say, “I really don’t know.” But I think most of them were the theme song to The Greatest American Hero.
xo
13. Stacy | September 15th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Oh, but do those snide book club people know every episode of The Office by heart? I think not! And really, who is the wiser - some ladies who know Willie Stark is fake, or someone who knows that Jim kissed Pam? Oh, you know it’s you!
[Speaking of, have you been crying at the commercial teasers for the season premiere like I have? No, just checking - I haven’t either. Never. And I don’t spend any time thinking about how happy Jim and Pam will be together…nor how cute their kids will be.]
http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/sub_37.shtml
14. Pam | September 15th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
I have Night Ranger on my ipod and hate to admit it, but I LOVE to run to it. Oh sister christian, you’ll be alright tonight…. lol
15. sogalitno | September 15th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Willie Stark alias Huey Long.
how well we children of Louisiana know him… and i have even seen the SPOT where he was SHOT - ooh how exciting - not really. as a 10 year old i couldnt really understand why daddy was so excited to show us.
but it is a very pretty state capitol building (HL had it built you know).
16. Kirsten #2 | September 15th, 2006 at 7:49 pm
I have Sesame Street songs stuck in my brain these days - today’s number was a little reggae ditty that Ernie sings about (naturally) rubber duckies. My husband wanted to know *WHAT* on earth I was singing….
17. Nancy | September 15th, 2006 at 7:58 pm
My coworker did not know “Hungry Like the Wolf” a couple of weeks ago. Even when I sang it for him. Made me feel really old with my useless ’80s song knowledge.
18. geogirl | September 15th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
Quit it now I mean it…
Anybody want a peanut? (little princess bride humor there)
I can sing any School House Rock song for you on demand but I can’t for the life of me remember my own cell phone number.
But honestly, who calls their own phone anyway. It’s much more useful for me to remember what the function of a conjunction is.
19. Jennie | September 15th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Another useful way to get rid of unwanted songs is to sing the offending song in the voice of Bob Dylan. But for god’s sake, not out loud. Works for me.
20. Jenny | September 15th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Damn you! Damn you and Sister Christian. Now I’m Motorin’ here in my kitchen, and I can’t get it out of my head. Gaaaa!
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
You know what I downloaded off of iTunes? The theme song to Wonder Woman. That right there is some great lyrics.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world’s waiting for you,
and the power you possess.
In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.
Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.
Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.
Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fall,
Change their minds, and change the world.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You’re a wonder, Wonder Woman.
You’re welcome. Least I could do, really.
21. Deb | September 15th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
I went to highschool with a girl that everyone called Sister Christian and then Sister Theresa b/c her name was Theresa and she was quite religious and verbose about it. It was also the 80’s and Night Ranger was big in Oregon back then. I know allllllll the words to that song and many more……impresses the hell outa my kids.
22. Ana | September 16th, 2006 at 2:21 am
The Princess Bride just has a totally memorizable (I know there’s an actual word for that but I’m too lazy to think of it) script. I haven’t seen it in 5 or 6 years but I can still quote looooong portions.
A Celebrity Boyfriend list, huh Jen? I have one too. There are actually celebrities I have such mad crushes on that I can’t talk about or watch them when my husband is around because I feel guilty. And some are embarassing.
23. Spot the Wonder Dog | September 16th, 2006 at 3:37 am
Going to a book discussion without ever having read the book… don’t tell me you never learned anything in college.
Of course, the best part of this post is the rich subtext:
Starts off talking about songs stuck in her head: “Heart of Rock and Roll Still Beating”, and “Sister Christian motorin’ to find Mr. right”.
Followed by several paragraphs about ‘faking it’.
Then closing with a few observations about infidelity.
hmmmmmmmmmm…….. anything *else* you want to talk about Jenn?
24. Jessica | September 16th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
I know exactly what you mean about a head full of useless knowledge. I can never remember where I put the cordless phone, or my keys, and I may or may not have forgotten to pick my son up from Kindergarten one day last week, and I certainly don’t know my own cell phone number.
However….
I know exactly what a trebuchet is, does, and how to make one. I use odd and obscure words in conversation by accident. I have in my head a list of talented cartoon voice-over professionals, and what characters they voice. Religious theory rubs elbows with Tiffany songs, and the knowledge of how to “peg” a pair of jeans.
I can quote you most of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” (and to a certain extent, the Princess Bride) but I can’t remember that I hung up the phone while cooking supper, and put it away in the fridge with the butter. (My husband will NEVER let me live that one down)
But just to help you get that song out of your head…..
This is the song that never ends.
It just goes on and on, my friends.
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue singing it forever, just because….
This is the song that never ends.
It just goes on and on, my friends.
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue singing it forever, just because….
This is the…..etc.
25. Meg | September 16th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Why is it that I remember the lyrics to every song from the 80s, but can never get my kid’s names right?
Meg
Career Mom Radio
26. JustLinda | September 17th, 2006 at 11:29 am
I use Google to help me answer those irritating questions stuck in my head.
Then, being 41, I promptly forget the answer and a short time later it plagues me again. Again and again and again. It’s like that movie Groundhog Day. Or the atithesis of everyday being Christmas. Or something.
But take solace in knowing that now there are others of us out here trying to get through the Sister Christian lyrics too and wondering what it all means…
27. Mom101 | September 17th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
You put this so so well! A dear friend and I, both of whom have an inordinate percentage of grey matter devoted to the rememberance of all things 80s, have often wondered what else we could be remembering if we could just empty the proverbial trash in our brains and delete the trivia. Sigh.
28. Melissa | September 17th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
I had the unfortunate musical experience of junior high and high school in the early nineties. Hence, I have the privilege of knowing every MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, New Kids on the Block, and Mili Vanilli song by heart.
“All right, stop, collaborate and listen, Ice is back with a brand new rendition….”
The past two days I have had Sister Christian alternating with Ice Ice Baby running through my head constantly. I hummed it at dinner and now my husband is infected too. So glad to share the love.
29. Sue | September 17th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
Not only do I know what a trebuchet is-I’ve up close and personal seen several launch. Very cool.
As for the musical problem-try xm, it’s fabulous and does yes indeed work in the Berkshires. Although exit 2-3 on the Pike gets a bit tricky sometimes.
And even my kids quote Princess Bride. I quite often send them off with, “Have fun storming the castle.” in the mornings.
30. Holly | September 18th, 2006 at 12:48 am
This is the first time i’ve ever commented on a blog before. I just discovered your blog today and have been reading the archives, great stuff. I’m a fairly new blogger, im still figure all this out. I’m adding you to my blog roll. Will be back to read more.
31. cory | September 18th, 2006 at 1:54 am
my celebrity list? George Clooney saying “as you wish” :0)
32. anon | September 18th, 2006 at 11:31 am
Subtle, yet clearly calling out for a little action on the side. No doubt many in your circle of friends already partaking of the forbidden fruit - you just need to asked to be invited.
Wear something lavender, must be visible, and you just may be asked to join our circle of “friends”.
33. Jamie | September 18th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Once, for like a week, I had a mashup of “When the Children Cry” by White Lion and “Let’s Go Riding in an Automobile” from Sesame Street. Both songs, mixed together. I couldn’t get it out of my head.
34. The Homosexuals | September 18th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
Get outta that blog…
and into my car…
35. J | September 21st, 2006 at 1:12 pm
Now I have the voice of Mandy Patkin in my head “My name is Diego Montoya, you killed my father… Prepare to die.”
One of my most favorite movies.
Yeah, there was a really bad period of music there with hair bands and power ballads… never quite understood it but then again I liked Siouxsie and the Banshees, the Cult and Echo and the Bunnymen at the time.
36. Difales | October 16th, 2006 at 9:46 am
My confession…watched Ghostbusters (the original) with the kids and then couldn’t shake the image of Bobby Brown dancing in a billboard from the video he did from Ghostbusters II . Last week I downloaded the song “On Our Own” and made my 5 year old shake it with me while we listened to it…
A quick snippet…
“Too hot to handle, too cold to hold
They’re called the Ghostbusters and they’re in control
Had ‘em throwin’ a party for a bunch of children
While all the while the slime was under the building
So they packed up their group, got a grip, came equipped
Grabbed they proton packs off their back and they split
Found about Vigo, the master of evil
Try to battle my boys? That’s not legal
(Oh-we-oh) They’re in control
(Oh-we-oh) Y-Y-Ya know it…”
Save me from this madness!!!!!
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