63 Comments

• 1. Margaret  |  July 19th, 2006 at 12:38 am

  You asked to hear from the people who have everything. Therefore, I should not be leaving this comment.

  Nonetheless, I want you to know that my peeling popcorn ceiling, hideous yellow countertop, and mismatched drawer pulls feel your pain.

• 2. Simon  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:03 am

  Sophie’s Father, who art in Berkshires,
  Patience be thy name.
  Thy wife is come, her will be done,
  At least while she’s malcontent.
  Give us this day our fitted medicine cabinet,
  And forgive us our crankiness,
  As we forgive those who track poo nuggets against us.
  And lead us not into Wal-Mart,
  But deliver us from squalor.
  For mine is the measuring once,
  and the buying twice,
  and the Ambien,
  Especially tonight.

  Amen.

• 3. jbeeky  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:37 am

  Your home is a work in progress. If it was perfect, think of the many new nueroses you would have to create for yourself to stave off boredom. Paraphrased from my sister when I lay prostrate before crumbling walls and cat pee floors. She is now missing. I have no idea where she is, why yes that is new cementing on my pool, how nice of you to notice!
  Totally feeling your pain of old house blues…….

• 4. Deb  |  July 19th, 2006 at 2:52 am

  Malcontent on, my friend, you are allowed to wallow before moving on to counting the many blessings heretofore you have already counted in the past.

  Or something like that.

  hugs and other warm fuzzies

• 5. Antonia  |  July 19th, 2006 at 6:40 am

  Our house was finished in 1836. We got here in 2004 and unfinished it again. Gappy creaky floorboards. No air conditioning. I stand in a basin of cold water in the garden to cool down. Cat eats bees and flies and then throws them up on the carpet afterwards.

  I never manage it all at once: I spent a few months being paid what I’m worth, and I never saw the people I love, and my skin broke out. Now I get paid a teeny weeny amount, and I wear the same jeans every day (my choice), and the only reason my hair isn’t falling out is that pregnant hair is magic.

  If I had it all, I would have a huuuuge kitchen full of unaffordable appliances, and I would own this whole building, not just the bottom flat, and I would be a crashing bore and no one would talk to me about flyful hairball throwup or bongo-playing neighbours because I wouldn’t understand any more.

  I know you’re still hanging in there for a cranberry storm door, but from here your life looks full of love to me, and love is surely as red and shiny and sticky as cranberry paint. Keep sidestepping the nuggets. x

• 6. Bethany  |  July 19th, 2006 at 7:35 am

  I have everything!

  I have a kitchen sink that only works if you pound on the sprayer before you use it.

  I have a leaky porch roof, full of mold.

  I have basement windows that fall out of their fittings and a boiler that leaks all over the basement every winter.

  I have cats in my bed, a dog with an infected leg, and bats in my belfry, and I haven’t taken a vacation in years.

  I have it all!

  Oh, wait. That’s not what you meant, is it?

• 7. Amy  |  July 19th, 2006 at 8:01 am

  In my house, after realizing the mirror didn’t fit, the first thought wouldn’t be “lets go to Home Depot to return the mirror” it would be “lets go to Home Depot to buy a $500 saw to make the hole bigger.”

  See how good you have it?

• 8. Samantha  |  July 19th, 2006 at 8:44 am

  I am so with you right now it’s not even funny.

  You are loved. I’m praying for you and your family and I’m praying that you have a peace that can only be found in accepting your situation and working with what you have.

  If that worked (the prayer that is) please pray for me in that way too because I’m very dissatisfied with my life right now too.

  Blessings to you and at least you’re trying to do something about it–could be worse and just live with it and have hampster shaving smells coming out of your clothing all the time.

  Which I’m sure you don’t because you riped out the pee smelling carpet.

  Ha!

• 9. starbelly1976  |  July 19th, 2006 at 8:47 am

  I spent 2.5 hours last night cleaning out the “office” to move soon-to-be unused baby furniture in and also swept and mopped the floor. Guess what? It looks worse. The dirt make the floors look less in-need-of-refinishing and the clutter made the room look bigger. Hm… Maybe we shouldn’t work so hard?

• 10. marian  |  July 19th, 2006 at 8:54 am

  Blame it on summer! Decrepitude looks worse in the summer because it isn’t covered with snow. Also, things not only look bad, they smell bad. Once winter comes again, you’ll feel better.

• 11. bee  |  July 19th, 2006 at 8:56 am

  Hi! I have everything! I really do! You have seen me wearing the same clothes twice because I have Everything Clothes! My ceilings do not peel! They are made of Horrible Wood! I plan to nail up a tin ceiling, so Horrible Wood will be fine for that. The other ceilings are Horrible Acoustic Tile! Whee! The dining room tiles are sagging. ‘Twould only take but a long white nail or two to fix it, but I can’t be bothered. I have the nails though. Because I have everything! ( I had yet another flood last week!) I get paid what I am worth because as my parents might have reminded me, I am worthless! It seems as if I enjoy my children All The Time because you don’t get to see the times when I Kinda Really Don’t. I only have stocks and bonds and a 401K by the grace of God and Workplace and I am kind of late in the game to be having them. I should have started in my teens apparently. My hair is not falling out because I have shellac-ed it in place with a little something called Way Too Much Gel! My face is not breaking out because it is concentrating on one giant eruption. I know how to cook because I say I know how to cook. He himself said once “But chip shop curry is horrible!!!” and I said “No it isn’t.” Therefore I know how to cook! Our car windows all go up and down because —should I admit this? We have hand cranky windows because I have a high level of paranoia! (Told you! I have everything!) We travel so often because we are trying to track down our rich relatives and shake them down. The dog has better things to do, such as re-sort the trash for us, bite visitors, leap and bound through the flower beds and look cute. See? Everything! Especially I get to read tons of wonderful journals. And you don’t know how much I admire you. You are pretty, and smart, and have some drive and ambition, and apparently you are not afraid of anything. If you were a ship you’d be a gallant one. You are just too close to yourself.You can’t see all the great things that we can, and then get jealous over them! Sometimes the Wheel of Suckitude spins your way. It spins everyone’s way. We just have to feel this way until we don’t feel this way anymore. Yeah. PS Pls excuse the typos. Thx, the Mgmt

• 12. Andrea S.  |  July 19th, 2006 at 9:38 am

  I built my house (well, I didn’t build it myself, but we bought the land and plans and had a builder build it) and you know what? We still have problems. There’s a crack in the wall above our sliding glass door which scarily resembles foundation settling. Our master bathroom tub wasn’t installed correctly, so it leaked through the floor and into the ceiling to the floor below for a year and a half while we fought with the builder to come back and fix it. The plasterer/drywaller just finished last month. My house is only 4 years old. Guess what I spent July 4th doing? Painting! Over the big white patches of plaster and drywall mud on my living room walls that were damaged by the leaking as well, all while a 2 year old was running around leaning on wet painted walls and trying to “help”. Last night, I primed the walls of our defective bathroom for painting and you know what else? Those brushed nickel frosted glass 4 light fixtures? Are a BITCH to paint around.

  Malcontent away. I raise my “whine” glass to you.

• 13. Megan  |  July 19th, 2006 at 9:44 am

  I do have car windows that go up and down, which is lucky, because the air conditioner just broke for the second time in 2 summers.

  I haven’t worn the same thing twice lately because I am slowly realizing that evil weight has sneaked onto my body in the middle of the night and nothing fits anymore.

  But I have more!

  I have huge holes in my garage door!
  I have dead brown grass that resists all attempts at making it healthy and lovely!
  I have weird electrical wiring that will cost thousands of dollars to fix!

  (Do you feel better yet or should I keep going?)

  Just remember- no one really has everything. That woman who seems like she always enjoys her kids probably pays someone else to stay with them all day and those people who know how to cook are probably really getting takeout. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

• 14. Woman with Kids  |  July 19th, 2006 at 9:58 am

  Look at it this way: You can either go out and adopt 50 special needs kids or an injury war veteran, or just collect various quirks around your house until they add up to enough to drag Ty’s cute behind on over. I’m working on my collection now.

• 15. the Mater  |  July 19th, 2006 at 10:10 am

  Ouch! Glad the poppa is there to lend a hand.

  I just spent over a week with you and I only noticed how big the girls are growing, how much Hannah talks in real honest-to-God-let-me-tell-you-all-about-it sentences, Sophie’s lilting singing and humming which she informed me is “opera”, the dogs’ difference in age and stamina … and, oh yeah, an unfinished this and that.

  I know it’s denial and selective attention on my part but I only saw and felt the positive energy emanating from all of you. Your house holds lots of love. Of course, that’s my perception as I’m a visiting grandmom and don’t live in the chaos swirling around with the dog fur. I do understand your own frustration though at the lack of money and resources to make it all shiny and clean. Another time, another house ….

  Breathe deeply but feel free to rant!

  Much love to my soon-to-be-neighbor, Mom xxoo

• 16. From the Lady that Has it All  |  July 19th, 2006 at 10:43 am

  Answers to ?s from someone pretending to Have it ALL! This is fun. I should stay in this constant state of denial and not be poor.

  Why do your ceilings not peel?
  Because maintenance men who are contracted fixed them temporarily. They could peel at any moment though, if it makes you feel any better

  Why does your porch not slant?
  I live in a duplex. I am not fortunate enough to have a porch, but once you bring up the slantiness of yours, I see this is a blessing in disguise.

  Why do you have nice gutters?
  Again, the maintenance peeps. The housing is not all that great though, so don’t get so excited about these young, handsome maintenance men. They really should come visit you and yours in the Berks

  Why do you get paid what you are worth?
  I don’t. But I would like to pretend that the hugs and open mouthed kisses, and snuggles that my toddler gives me more than makes up for the fact that we are a one car- one income familia barely making ends meet. We like to play pretend and fake like we like being poor. You see, it’s a choice. And we LIKE it

  Why have I never seen you wear the same clothes twice? Because I live in my workout clothes. Although this probably has more to do with the geographical distances between us

  Why do you seem like you are a good parent who enjoys her children all the time?

  Because I do. Most of the time. & when I am not enjoying him, I am a damn good liar. So, Because I LIE-

  Why do you have stocks and bonds and a 401K plan?
  No stocks or bonds, nor a 401K to speak of- Next ?

  Why is your hair not falling out?
  I am still taking leftoever prenatal vitamins. They work wonders for gals with falling out hair

  Why is your skin not breaking out?
  I use a fancy face wash

  Why do you know how to cook?
  Because I am about 40 pounds overweight
  and I don’t weigh this much for lack of not loving food
  When you love to eat, and live to eat it has a lot to do with cooking, or in my case baking everything.

  Why do you have a car with windows that all go down and up?
  Did I mention that we just have the ONE car-
  Don’t you have two? Because if you do, I am a little bit green right now-

  Why do you travel so often?
  My mom pays for it-
  That looks really sad when I type it
  but she pays for us to travel back home to see her because we can’t afford it

  Why do you have rich relatives?
  I’ll trade you for your poor ones-
  Really. My only rich relatives are all a BIG pain in the arse. I’ll take poor relatives for $138. That way you can make some extra cash.
  Send the Mater my way will you, I could use a relative or two out here

  Why does your dog not vomit on your shoes and track dog poo nuggets into your home?
  I don’t have a dog for that reason. I have a toddler instead. He does leave me poo nuggets though

  So you see, you have MORE than my family and I
  If I had half your talent for just about any creative area in the arts, I would feel content.

• 17. jaelithe  |  July 19th, 2006 at 10:48 am

  You could always peel the labels off of everything in your medicine cabinet that’s in an attractive container, and put everything that’s in an unattractive container into shapely re-purposed beverage bottles and jam jars, and re-label everything with a magic marker in a flowery script, and then pretend that you’d MEANT to have no door on your medicine cabinet all along, and the whole thing is supposed to be a minimalist fashion statement.

  Not saying I’ve DONE this in the bargain basement circa-1985 master bathroom in my cheapo apartment, mind you . . . because I live in a mansion that Ty Pennington designed for me! Not because my life sucks– I’m a healthy, happy, care-free millionare! But I once sent Ty a poem that impressed him so much with its epic beauty he fell instantly in love with me from afar. I rejected him, because I’m married, and well, back in the day when I was a Trading Spaces addict before it was cool, I always liked Amy Wynn’s furniture better. But he built me the house anyway, as a monument to his undying affection. Wasn’t that sweet?

• 18. mom on a wire  |  July 19th, 2006 at 11:17 am

  I know what would make you feel better. It rhymes with “Meryl Streep”….

• 19. John Merland  |  July 19th, 2006 at 11:26 am

  Having everything requires only that you want nothing…

  Just a little thought from someone who feels the pain of an old house and a new kid.

  Jenn’s husband, John

• 20. KeriS  |  July 19th, 2006 at 11:49 am

  Isn’t it a rule of home improvement that nothing works the first time you fix it and every trip to Home Depot is guaranteed to result in 10 more? Isn’t that the reason Home Depot can afford to only add a very tiny mark-up to their inventory, and still make billions of dollars a year?

  Ah, I still remember the day that a toilet with an annoying but livable habit of occassionally flushing itself resulted in 10 trips to Home Depot (in one day!) and Ken actually replacing the entire thing! I was about 6 weeks pregnant with Liam and contemplating diorce when he ordered me, yes ORDERED me to leave the house and not come back until he had completed the project. If it took a week, so be it. I was ordered to find a place to stay. I happily obliged. The stress of being there to watch your husband start a 15 minute project and end up with your entire toiled on the back lawn… well, I learned then that I should NEVER expect any home improvement project, to be easy… not even hanging a picture!

  I heard on NPR yesterday that there is a “Price” to wealth. Apparently, people with everything have much higher rates of mental illness. Go figure.

• 21. Charlie  |  July 19th, 2006 at 12:01 pm

  I think Simon has had a little too much communion wine. Cheer up, Jenn. It only gets worse.

• 22. Debbie  |  July 19th, 2006 at 12:12 pm

  Ah, Be Thankful for the “It won’t fit” answer — Last time I got My Dad to help, we ended up with a new bath tub that was a little too small; his answer was “Just push it up against this wall here and we’ll fill in the gap.”

  I’ll let you imagine my mess, along with the cat vomiting on my shoes.

  :) It could always be worse…

• 23. Jen  |  July 19th, 2006 at 12:14 pm

  Pass the communion wine over here.

  I have a mysterious swarm of gnats that I can’t get rid of.

  And what I don’t have? Time. Not even a whit to think about a new medicine cabinet.

  May a plethora of old house “quirks” disappear for you.

  Heh, wishful thinking.

• 24. Vikki  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:02 pm

  My first reaction is to say that “everything will be fine” but I am learning that, sometimes, you just have to sit with the difficult feelings. So, instead, I will say…

  My dining room ceiling is peeling. We had someone out to do the dining room and living room and they did such a shitty job on the living room that we told them never to return. The porch doesn’t slant…anymore. We tore it off. Our gutters have little trees growing out of them. We are the envy of the neighborhood, I’m sure. Oh, we also have a moldy pantry because the leak the slanting porch had. I have one pair of jeans that fit and I wear them to work almost everyday. The other days…I wear my one pair of capri pants that make me look middleaged. I love my children but have terrible guilty fits because sometimes they drive me crazy. I worry…it is them or me? My skin isn’t breaking out because it is SO dry. I’m travelling to Portugal this summer with my family because we refinanced our house (for above mentioned repairs) and used the extra money to buy our plane tickets. We don’t have any rich relatives and are not in line for any type of inheritance.

  I do have hair which, until this moment, I’ve taken for granted. I have hair and no poo nuggets so I guess life is pretty good.

• 25. Spot the Wonder Dog  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:14 pm

  THAT’S a lot of drama over a visit to Home Depot.

  You’re just gona have to come to grips with it Jenn… your life is made of suck and fail.

  Sure, I know you wish your life was made of glitter and awesome like everyone else’s, but, you know… at least you’ve still got your perky, youthful figure.

  Sure, maybe your house smells like pee. Maybe your carpeting was featured on the cover of the May 1961 edition of Good Housekeeping. Maybe your kids bite and spit and will one day be teenagers. Maybe your dog has the runs. Maybe your house is haunted by ghosts who, for some reason not meant to be understood by man, sealed a breathing apparatus up inside one of your walls. Maybe you have a dank, unfinished, spider-infested basement where all manner of vermin are free to breed and roam within your walls.

  AT LEAST your husband doesn’t have some dreadful mental disorder like schizophrenia, or nacrolepsy.

  You should really count your blessings.

• 26. Simon  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:18 pm

  I don’t do communionwine — too watered down. Scotch, neat; or on a couple rocks goes down much nicer.

• 27. Jenn  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:22 pm

  Yes! Yes! This is just what I needed!

  Except for Spot’s reference to my perky and youthful figure. I could have done without that particular tidbit of sarcasm today. Sic him, folks.

  This morning my father found mouse poop in a burned-out overhead light fixture in the bathroom.

• 28. kt flynnie  |  July 19th, 2006 at 1:51 pm

  all i can say is wow, i think you need to attend some keg parties or something like that

• 29. the Mater  |  July 19th, 2006 at 2:26 pm

  “This morning my father found mouse poop in a burned-out overhead light fixture in the bathroom.”

  Time to buy a cat … not just any old cat but one with Spiderman ability. Unless you put in a good word to the ghosts in the attic to take care of the vermin problem :>)

• 30. Another Jen  |  July 19th, 2006 at 2:54 pm

  Can I just say that one of my favorite things about reading your blog is scrolling down and finding the one inevitable comment from Spot the Wonder Dog?

  Whoever he may be — I heart him and his irreverentness.

  Sorry about your woes… I suppose you could say it’s good for a little character building.

• 31. geogirl  |  July 19th, 2006 at 3:08 pm

  Mouse poop huh. Look at it this way Jenn….

  When I worked for the Park Service, I lived in park housing which consisted of a run down trailer full of holes and rusting pipes. A week after I moved in I discovered I had a mouse problem. Holes in cereal boxes and trailes of tiny mouse dropplets everywhere. I finally called maintenance and do you know what they told me…

  “Don’t worry about it…at least you know you don’t have snakes.”

  So….there you go. At least you don’t have snakes.

  (ps - don’t even get me started about the woodpecker!)

• 32. Charlie  |  July 19th, 2006 at 3:17 pm

  Did someone say keg parties?

• 33. jo  |  July 19th, 2006 at 3:17 pm

  I blame Martha

• 34. corymack  |  July 19th, 2006 at 3:50 pm

  yes, let’s count our blessings….whenever I get ranting about my lack of “martha” and an entire house full of hand-me-down furnitre and baseboards that haven’t been lowered since we painted 5 years ago…I think that I’m very lucky to have such 1st World Problems…really they’re rich man’s worries. imagine life without health, shelter, food…and feel blessed. bothered? hell, yeah. but blessed. and loved. and surrounded with potential.

  Friday, Jul 07, 2006
  Don’t come to Calgary without a place to stay, shelter warns families

  (CBC) - An organization that gives food and shelter to the homeless is warning families not to come to Calgary without a place to stay.

  Inn from the Cold is dealing with a record number of families needing shelter and may soon have to turn people away, executive director Diana Segboer said Thursday.

  Volunteers have started telling callers from across the country not to move to Calgary unless they have friends to stay with or money for a hotel room.

  “They are coming because work is here and, unfortunately, what is happening is there is no place for them, other than the emergency shelters, to stay,” she said. “We’re having a hard time taking care of the ones that we already have in our system.”

  Inn from the Cold is a network of more than 67 churches and organizations that provides meals and shelter for 30 to 60 homeless people each night, giving priority to families.

• 35. kt flynnie  |  July 19th, 2006 at 4:23 pm

  yes, thats right i said it keg parties

• 36. jennifer  |  July 19th, 2006 at 5:10 pm

  i shall sent pictures of my hideous countertops, peeling ceiling, unfinished (for 16 months!!!) crown moulding, crooked toilet (again! 16 months!), holey screens, sagging porch, moss-covered roof…

  just breathe, jenn. and publish the measurements for your cranberry storm door, mkay?

• 37. Dawn  |  July 19th, 2006 at 6:53 pm

  As a newly emigrated US to canada citizen, I will add my prayers for my pseudo-brother in Jenn’s arms…

• 38. ChristyD  |  July 19th, 2006 at 9:00 pm

  Okay, so maybe the joint needs some updating, but your walls practically TALK. That’s worth something, isn’t it? (Glad you’re back.)

• 39. Spot the Wonder Dog  |  July 19th, 2006 at 10:53 pm

  “Except for Spot’s reference to my perky and youthful figure. I could have done without that particular tidbit of sarcasm today.”

  I’m sorry Jenn, it was wrong of me to tease you with sarcasm after your harrowing experience with purchasing the wrong size medicine cabinet.

  I was just trying to avoid all those cliched adjectives you probably hear… you know…
  “old”
  “squishy”
  “enlongated”
  “lumpy”
  “bean bag with legs”

  I’ll strive to avoid “youthful” and “perky” unless I have occasion to comment on you in a zero-G environment.

• 40. the Mater  |  July 19th, 2006 at 11:14 pm

  From dear geo, “(ps - don’t even get me started about the woodpecker!)”

  Cripes! How did you know?! Jenn and David had a very noisy woodpecker doing his mating ritual on their chimney recently!

  Haven’t seen any snakes though :>) Gawd, geo … your Park Ranger stint was supposed to be all heroic and glamorous … at least when you see my Philly apartment I won’t have to tidy up, eh?!

• 41. J  |  July 20th, 2006 at 1:02 am

  I am fretting and wringing my hands as I read this and all the comments. We are hurtling headlong into a very similar situation in our new house in New Jersey. The current owners decided to glue up plastic sheeting (like the carpet protectors under office chairs) in the shower rather than fix the failing grout. Now that’s a special kind of lazy!

  Oh and the asbestos and the foundation crack you can see daylight through and the, and the….

  I completely feel your pain Jenn.

• 42. MeeA  |  July 20th, 2006 at 5:47 am

  I know, I’m horrible! But this post of yours has just reminded me that I’m very, very happy to finally have a real bed to sleep on and couches for people to sit on when they come to my house!
  And they aren’t anybody’s hand-me-down, “Do you want this? ‘Cause I’m throwing it out” crap, either. They are the beautiful wood and leather pieces I have wanted since forever, and I bought them. With my own money. And now there’s no more room for other people’s throw-away stuff, and it feels like I have everything!

  Still, hope you’re feeling better soon.

• 43. geogirl  |  July 20th, 2006 at 6:55 am

  You guys have a woodpecker too!?! I was talking about MY woodpecker. He kept …well….pecking at the wooden trailer walls right where my head would be if I were in bed, which I usually wasn’t because I couldn’t sleep due to the noisy woodpecker.

  Jenn, I’ll tell you what the maintenance guys told me to do. They told me to buy a rubber snakes and hang it on the wall outside to scare off the woodpecker. Believe it or not it actually worked. So…I guess I ended up with snakes after all. That and everyone in park housing thought I was some kind of witch.

• 44. Vikki  |  July 20th, 2006 at 9:52 am

  Glued plastic sheeting in the shower? I’d say that’s a special kind of CRAZY. That’s up there with the newspaper that our home’s previous owner used as insulation. Oh yeah, and the cardboard they used instead of drywall/wood in the closet.

• 45. Anon  |  July 20th, 2006 at 10:06 am

  I think the real problem is that someone needs to teach the both of you how to measure something. Had that one seemingly insignificant moment in time been a bit more accurate, would everything seem so bad?

  Forget Ty - 1980’s retro and contact this old house. Norm the lead carpenter has a workshop, or at least used to, just south of Burlington Vt.

• 46. Lisa S.  |  July 20th, 2006 at 10:33 am

  Why do your ceilings not peel? BECAUSE THEY ARE WOOD

  Why does your porch not slant? IT DOES AND NEEDS TO BE STAINED OR IT WILL FALL OFF THE HOUSE BY NEXT SUMMER WITH DRY ROT

  Why do you have nice gutters? DON’T HAVE THEM. FRENCH DRAINS OR SOMETHING WEIRD.

  Why do you get paid what you are worth? I DON’T. I WORK MY BUTT OFF AND NO ONE CARES.

  Why have I never seen you wear the same clothes twice? IF YOU LIVED NEAR ME YOU’D SEE THAT I WEAR THE SAME STUFF OVER AND OVER.

  Why do you seem like you are a good parent who enjoys her children all the time? TO THIS I SAY A BIG HAH!

  Why do you have stocks and bonds and a 401K plan? HAH again!

  Why is your hair not falling out? I DO NOT KNOW.

  Why is your skin not breaking out? MINE IS STILL BREAKING OUT AND I AM 44 flipping years OLD!

  Why do you know how to cook? BECAUSE MY MATER SHOWED ME HOW! (Oppps sorry mater)

  Why do you have a car with windows that all go down and up?
  WELL LUCKY ME….BUT MY CAR DOESNT’T HAVE AIR CONDITIONING AND IT IS 102 HERE TODAY. YAY ME. Trade ya.

  Why do you travel so often? BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER BE IN DEBT AND TRAVEL SOMETIMES THAN LOSE MY MIND!

  Why do you have rich relatives? I DON’T KNOW BUT THEY AREN’T SHARING IT WITH ME.

  Why does your dog not vomit on your shoes and track dog poo nuggets into your home? BECAUSE I HAVE A CAT

  Jenn my friend. I hope this covers it. I would come and take you out for a fun girls day if I were closer. We could bargain hunt, go to flea markets, have lunch somewhere affordable and delish….ON ME! and then we could kick our shoes off, sit in the shade and dangle them in the kiddie pool while the girls took naps. Sounds good eh? I’ll bring the margarita mix sweetie!

• 47. Deb  |  July 20th, 2006 at 12:09 pm

  I second the cat idea from the Mater.
  We used to live in a lovely old house from 1902 that had mice and I swear to everything holy NOTHING worked, they multiply by the second.
  That is, until we got a cat. Who had kittens….no more mice!!
  Same thing where we live now, the next door neighbors have mice and we share a wall, but our two cats keep them AWAY!!

  The girls will LOVE it!!

• 48. bee  |  July 20th, 2006 at 12:46 pm

  Jenn, is Spot the Wonder Dog your brother? I wish I had one of them. So I have ALMOST everything. I have tons of woodpeckers also too, and they fly past the back door and SCOLD me when I let the suet run out. At least our bats are nice and quiet!

• 49. tina  |  July 20th, 2006 at 1:12 pm

  small comfort–if you have mice, you don’t have rats! woo hoo! that’s at least what one cafe owner told me when i saw a cute, tiny, adorable, most likely germalicious one by my shoes yesterday.; not that that north adams has rats, but TRULY, mice are better than rats. ewww

• 50. Mom of 1  |  July 20th, 2006 at 1:30 pm

  “special kind of lazy…” or “CRAZY”…
  How about hearing a strange dripping sound from the enclosed side porch for months but never finding anything wet, only to eventually discover that the batty old woman who used toi live here put a COOKIE SHEET ino the rafters to deal with the leak?! It has been there so long it rusted through, which is when we found it by the wet spot under it.

  I’m so with you Jenn. Luckily HD takes returns with or without the receipt, you just lose the tax if you don’t have the receipt. Not that I’ve been in that interminable line with a squirmy 2 year old. Regularly.

• 51. Hermit  |  July 20th, 2006 at 2:43 pm

  It seems like you have a wonderful community of funny people who love you. What’s mouse droppings compared to that? Or standing in Home Depot’s return lines to get hard, cool, cash back?

  By the way, at least you still have a nugget dropper. I had to put my big sweet 14 yo nugget dropper to sleep. Owie.

• 52. Kathleen Marie  |  July 20th, 2006 at 4:37 pm

  Having just recently built a house (our retirement, but not really retirement home here in the Black Hills), I can very much relate to “Yes we measured!” but “no it doesn’t fit!” My husband built our home and we still have things laying around that didn’t fit including a kitchen cabinet sitting in the garage and garage door openers that are not working yet. Crank away!! ha!

• 53. Lori  |  July 20th, 2006 at 5:21 pm

  My garage door opener suddenly stopped working last night. I tried to use the key to enter the front door and the lock sticks. Took me 5 minutes to jimmy the damn lock open. And that’s just what went wrong in the last 12 hours..

  You’re not alone!

• 54. Mandy  |  July 20th, 2006 at 6:16 pm

  Oh yes, you can have rats and mice at the same time. Don’t ask…

• 55. Mel  |  July 20th, 2006 at 6:20 pm

  Feeling lame, but must ask Mom on a Wire:

  “rhymes with Meryl Streep” Ummm…. clueless.

  A good nights sleep? Little bo peep? Does she do home repairs these days? Will her sheep eat Jen’s mice?

• 56. the Mater  |  July 20th, 2006 at 6:52 pm

  You know, Mel … that one had me stumped too.

  Jenn or moaw, what’s the second part of the rhyme?

• 57. Spot the Wonder Dog  |  July 20th, 2006 at 7:08 pm

  Feral sheep.

• 58. alice  |  July 20th, 2006 at 8:55 pm

  I can barely read this over my stack of money. What’s this about ceilings and whatnot? I should think you call the contractor and be done with it, no? Eh? What what?

• 59. bee  |  July 20th, 2006 at 10:14 pm

  Feral sheep! Hee!

• 60. Lisa S.  |  July 21st, 2006 at 12:53 pm

  hahahahah feral sheep….hahahahahah good one

• 61. Coley  |  July 22nd, 2006 at 2:45 pm

  Jenn no one could possibly have your comedic writing talent. You may not have the material wealth of some, but your are rich in talent and personality.

  That doesn’t help does it!!

• 62. Robin  |  July 25th, 2006 at 8:33 am

  Did we show you the big hole of a bathroom? Really, the one where you see studs? And have seen studs for the past six months? The one husband promises to fix but somehow seems to use work as an excuse not to? Or the big hole in our kitchen ceiling that was the result of said bathroom project? You are not alone.

• 63. Kelley2  |  July 25th, 2006 at 4:26 pm

  And I thought I was the only one with medicine cabinet issues. We haven’t been able to find one that fits. Fortunately, the mirrors haven’t fallen off yet, they’ve just gone all funny and are hard to see out off - oh, and they don’t stay closed so you see your face in bizarrely schizophrenic tripartite haze…

  People say count your blessings and, in the long run, they’re right, I suppose, but I’ve always found having a good grumpy spell first works better for me!

  Grump away!

  (Oh, and on the face breaking out thing? I’m getting wrinkles and zits at the same time - talk about totally Just Not Right!)

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