In which Mr. Toilet goes missing
June 8th, 2006
On May 30, 2006 at 7:27:49 PM EDT, Tree writes: Guess what? Guess! Okay I’ll tell you. I cleared your bathroom. You poor doll! I think that, between your inspiring chat with Mr. Toilet, and my Reiki clearing, you shall henceforth feel better in the bathroom realm. I must report, however, that Mr. Toilet did not want to move until I suggested an alternate location. He is happy. Now here is your assignment: where is he?…Stop being scared! He’s totally harmless; just likes being there. And bathrooms are so…fun! Just tell me where you feel him now.
On May 30, 2006 at 8:48:23 PM EDT, Jenn yelps, then writes: AHHHHHHH! But who IS Mr. Toilet? Is it Norman…or was I talking to the wrong headstone??? Is it a Richmond? Dear Lord. If you tell me nothing else in the next 24 hours, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me this, because the curiosity is smushing my insides.
I cannot believe that you flushed him from our bathroom (flushed!). I am going to assume that you, being a kind soul, did not flush him straight into, say, my bed or into the downstairs bathroom.
On May 31, 2006 at 2:06:10 PM EDT, Jenn’s acute anxiety wafts northward to Quebec and manifests in Tree’s cubicle as a glowing green mist that bites its nails and cries a lot, so Tree writes: Yes, I’m sure it’s Norman. Sorry I didn’t specify, but yes, you were right. Does your bathroom feel nicer? Less…occupied? Rest assured our ghostly toilet haunter is harmless, and though he is now occupying a place close to the bathroom (oh! a hint!), he shouldn’t bother you at all! He’s one of those that likes to be rooted somewhere.
Sometime after May 31, 2006 at 2:06:10 PM EDT, Jenn moans, slumps in her chair, and writes: Near the bathroom. Jeez. I don’t suppose you suggested a nice outdoor location? Norman on the roof. Norman nestled under the front porch.
Don’t tell me he’s now a free-range roaming hallway ghost. Oh, cripey. I think I just want all our ghosts to stay on the first floor, where I nearly always have a bra on.
Sometime after sometime after May 31, 2006 at 2:06:10 PM EDT, Tree sends the Reiki version of Haldol southward to Jenn and writes: You guessed it. Our Norman’s new location. Yes, I did put him in the hallway. Oops. My bad. But hallway ghosts are great! Because we walk by them…we might feel it, but it’s fleeting…and he likes all the activity of the hallway. HOWEVER, I shall gently suggest that he sit outside with Mr. Pipe.
Or perhaps he’d like the front stoop. I don’t get any messages from him, and really cannot get a sense of what he was like in life (though just now I got the feeling that he had a chemical imbalance…interesting…), but now he is rather pleasant and quite mellow.
Oh interesting. I was very much connected to him…and after writing that last bit about the chemical imbalance and the afterlife…I sort of lost him. I can’t connect anymore. I know, I know…sounds strange. But he feels…well he doesn’t feel like anything to me. He feels gone. WOW. Was that all he needed? Seriously. Tell me if you feel the same thing! Maybe he’s just on hiatus…but he feels gone!
Huh.
I can’t get him anymore. Norman has left the building. That’s never happened to me while I was writing an email.
I sort of don’t know what to do now.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Boo! (Our resident ghosts)
21 Comments
1. VenturaMom | June 8th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Goodbye sweet Norman. You shall be missed. And now I raise a glass of cran-grape to your memory. Skol.
2. Sheri | June 8th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Good job, Tree! But we’ll miss you Mr. Toilet!
3. Vikki | June 8th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
My life just feels, well, mundane. No one watches me on the toilet but my kids. Maybe Tree could get them to move to the hallway.
4. the Mater | June 8th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
“… but now he is rather pleasant and quite mellow.”
Aren’t we all after we’re six-feet under?!! Oops, Tree, I apologize. Horror flicks would not be making the money they do if that philosophy held true :>)
I hope Norman’s chillin’ with Mr. Pipe and maybe they both can help with the weeding, Jenn.
5. Tree | June 8th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
It was the strangest thing. He just left while I was writing. Jenn didn’t include the bit about how, when we pass on, we learn a lot about our lives and the errors of our ways. It was just after writing that that our toilet-loiterer felt peace…and left. Like he needed someone to know that he is different now.
6. geogirl | June 8th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Maybe he got offended that you mentioned his chemical imbalance and he stormed off in a huff to go plot his murderous rampage…….oh, uh…I mean….to go take a nap, yeah that’s it.
7. Amy (binkytown) | June 8th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
Maybe he’ll be back. Maybe he needed a little space
8. Simon | June 8th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
“…where I almost always have a bra on.”
That was my favourite part. Just as long as you have a bra on while in the midst of kitchen renovations. Because paint and floppy ta-tas may make for a delightful squishy spongy motif, but I’ll wager it’s not what you’re currently going for.
9. Mir | June 8th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
I would like Tree to come have a chat with the water in my basement. She seems very good at what she does.
Soooo… did you feel him in the hallway yet??
10. the Mater | June 8th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Simon, has Amy read what you just wrote here? Someone should be having his mind on the Oilers and not thinking about my daughter in the kitchen, sans underwear, painting her walls.
Mir, I bet Tree will not sense any ghosts in your house - they’ve all drowned and been sucked out the new sump pump by now!
Courage :>)
11. Jbeeky | June 8th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Does it work on telemarketers? She could make millions.
12. Contrary | June 8th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
No more feeling Norman for me! (ok, so this is now a private joke that only I get, but I cannot stop!)
I’m glad he’s no longer hanging around the pot, because that is just weird. I mean, my dog hangs around the pot, but he’s usually just looking for a cool drink.
How do you feel about Norman being gone?
13. ChristyD | June 8th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Wow! I love that you included Tree’s commentary. This is fascinating. I’m eager to hear if he’s in the hallway or passed on forever.
14. the Mater | June 8th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Contrary, stop copping a feel!! Behave yourself already.
15. Deb | June 9th, 2006 at 12:08 am
Tree is awesome and I don’t want to bother her, she has mucho going on herself. I also would love to have her check on some stuff for me!!!
Put in a good word Jenn……
She rocks….I think you are making her too busy with all your propaganda!
That is awesome he got to move on…….such a gift!
16. V | June 9th, 2006 at 8:12 am
Oh no! Did he come back?? Aren’t you used to having these guys around by now? I’d miss them if I was you.
Hell, I’d msis them anyway. I likey the ghost stories!!
17. Andrea S. | June 9th, 2006 at 11:21 am
Whew! He’s not in your toiley anymore! If he went on, hopefully it’s much happier and at peace than he was!
18. Simon | June 9th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Mater, my on line (clandestine) activities remain far enough removed from my wife’s perception that I can get away with just about anything.
But yes, I should be cheering on the Oilers. If Tree could do anything about inundating the dressing room of the Carolina Hurricanes with all manner of unseemly and noxious ghosts, I would be ever so appreciative.
19. Contrary | June 10th, 2006 at 1:41 am
Mater, I am behaving myself. Badly, that is! Bwahahaha.
20. Spot the Wonder Dog | June 10th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Wow. Tree is a regular psychic plunger.
My spectral sources tell me your toilet ghost has moved to your car, where his mischievous nature will cause several mechanical problems over the course of the next few years. :-O
21. kt flynnie | June 13th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
oh no poor norman…he can hang at my apartment provided he stays in the kitchen/hallway…not such a fan of bathroom and bedroom ghosts
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