LET’S JUST SAY, Part Three
April 16th, 2006
If you’re going to have ghosts, Mr. Pipe and Mrs. Kitchen are definitely the ghosts to have. Benevolent, unassuming, hard-working ghosts who like kids and are 100% behind our yard cleanup and our kitchen renovations. This is all good. I am feeling very good about our house and the nice people who came before us. It makes me want to vacuum more often and be a better person of the still-alive variety.
Now, mind you, our house is pretty small. We assumed there was probably a two-ghost maximum occupancy.
Then the toilet overflowed and dripped through the kitchen ceiling and I fled to the porch for my remote energy reading with Tree. She didn’t know I had gone outside for my reading and sat on the porch next to A PILE OF GARDENING TOOLS (foreshadowing! it’s good for you!). I had been trying to teach myself Gardening 101 the day before, tearing up weeds and wondering I could plant that might be killproof. I had even stopped by the seed rack at the hardware store, wondering if I should plant some nice shiny county fair vegetables instead of just noxious-weed flowers like the raping and pillaging ox-eye daisy, which I have purchased and which has been outlawed in several states.
Anyway, there I am on the porch, at 8:35pm, psychically apologizing to Tree for the mess in my brain. I notice that a patch of scalp on the left side of the top of my head is tingling. Not just a little. A lot. One trapezoidal patch. I want to be scientific about this, so I keep noticing it, and noticing that I am still noticing it. I make a note to ask Tree about it the next morning.
The next day, this comes in from Tree:
You have a wonderful intake of energy on the top of your head. A great exercise for you would be to envision white light entering your body from the top of your head and going through you and out through your toes. Pull the energy through you…it’s both relaxing and healing and I believe you would be very good at it.
My tingling patch! My tingling trapezoidal scalp patch! How does she do it? And who knew I would be good at energy pulling? It’s nice to discover a new talent in your middle age! I thought my talent had dried up several years ago, around the time I purchased my butt girdle.
And then, Tree says:
…an elderly man kept popping up. He was there with you, on your right side. He showed me gardening tools. His eyesight seemed bad and his eyes themselves looked odd…strangely, he kept saying “squash”, though I felt like he wanted to say more. He seemed quite confused, and didn’t tell me what relation he was (though I do feel that he is a relative).
Gardening tools! What the @#$?!?! If Squash Man was hanging out on my right side during the reading, he would have been hovering over the path that leads to the garden I’m tackling. Are you not a believer? I am a believer!
I tell David about Squash Man. David ponders, then says, “Maybe this is all a Kevin Costner movie. If we plant it, they will come.”
“They’ve already come.”
“Then we’ll just have fame and fortune from our squash.”
Squash Man has spoken, and he wants squash! By George, he shall have squash! The next morning, I went out and purchased squash seeds. More compulsive ghost-pleasing, but really, it takes so little. It’s the least I can do, if Squash Man is volunteering his afterlife hours like this overseeing my first garden venture.
A few days later, Tree did a followup session, as she felt the stressed-out vibe (my toilet’s fault) clogged up communication a bit the first time around:
Squash Man was back! He was there from start to finish, but aside from saying more names of vegetables (parsnips and zucchini this time!), he was as puzzling as before! I feel like he’s trying to tell us something…but he’s giving us small bits at a time. Anyway, I like this fellow, and am insanely curious as to what he’s trying to say. I did some research for information about what these vegetables have in common, and made little headway. Interestingly, they have healing properties for the bladder and kidneys as well as various other ailments such as heart problems, vein issues, etc. I cannot even begin to interpret his message, but I vow to keep listening and let you know what the heck he’s trying to say!
Parsnips! Zucchini! It is impossible to be afraid of a ghost with cataracts who suggests vegetables for your garden. I don’t have any gardening ancestors that I know of, so maybe Squash Man came with the house. And I am not about to let him down. Parsnips, zucchini, and squash it is. That’s all there is to it.
Life is A-OK. It sounds like Death is A-OK, too, really, for the former residents. No evil static on the TV here. Our children’s heads do not spin all the way around (except for that time they were fighting over the pink Beanie Baby bear). Our toilet clogged, yes, but I took the champagne out of Mrs. Kitchen’s pie safe and apologized and everything’s been fine since then.
I’m going to look at parsnips online now.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Boo! (Our resident ghosts)
25 Comments
1. TreeBob | April 16th, 2006 at 10:39 am
OK that was wierd, my post didn’t show up! Must be Squashman interferring.
As I was saying…
2. TreeBob | April 16th, 2006 at 10:45 am
*I tell David about Squash Man. David ponders, then says, “Maybe *this is all a Kevin Costner movie. If we plant it, they will come.”
Classic! I love that movie.
This is my 3rd attempt at commenting. Darn Squashman, he’s causing more trouble!.
3. Tree | April 16th, 2006 at 10:56 am
Your ghosts are so lucky - you’re so considerate of them! I’m thinking your live friends and family are privileged indeed to have someone so caring in their lives.
4. Contrary | April 16th, 2006 at 11:00 am
Ok, Mr. Pipe and Mrs. Kitchen have wonderful names. Quite like names you’d find in children’s literature or silly poems. But Squashman got gypped in the naming lottery. His name is kind of creepy and scary.
Perhaps you could call him Mr. Gardener or something like that.
I’m just sayin’.
5. mom on a wire | April 16th, 2006 at 11:25 am
I’m reading Prodigal Summer right now, and Squash Man reminds me of Garnett Walker, the old man with cataracts. Maybe you should also plant some chestnut trees.
6. Lou | April 16th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
interesting!
7. VenturaMom | April 16th, 2006 at 5:41 pm
You make me want to have ghosts in my house, too. Specter envy. Hmmm.
8. Lisa S. | April 16th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
It’s a good thing housekeeping lady doesn’t live in my basement or we’d be in a world of hurt!
9. Angelica | April 16th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
This is so surreal! I can’t wait for the next installment.
10. Spot the Wonder Dog | April 17th, 2006 at 12:27 am
Ghost vegetables…….. your house was built on a sacred Indian compost pile, wasn’t it? Long-dead vegetables seek to return by your unwitting hand and take their vengence on the living.
11. K~ | April 17th, 2006 at 8:55 am
I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.
There is more, isn’t there
You are most kind indeed to those needy resident ghosts. They are truly lucky to have found someone who appreciates their likes and dislikes. How many homeowner’s would give them the respect that they demand?
12. marian | April 17th, 2006 at 9:02 am
So is the Tree up there of crazy-ass family The Tree of this story?
13. Holly | April 17th, 2006 at 9:22 am
one of my favorite recipes involves yellow squash and zucchini. I haven’t a clue about parsnips. Good luck investigating.
Maybe he will assist you in your shiny county fair vegetable growing. When they take your photo with the blue ribbon he will be the ghostly blur above your trapezoidal scalp patch preserved for all posterity.
He will be proud, I’m sure.
14. anon | April 17th, 2006 at 10:29 am
Mr. Squash on the porch with the antique breathing apparatus? Mr. Pipe in the woodshed with an axe? Mrs Kitchen in the cellar with a poison rhubarb pie? All just guesses, I love a good who-dun-it, but these new characters are throwing off my game.
Or
If you live where I think you live, that area was the hugely popular fairgrounds in the early 1900’s. Perhaps your ethereal guests are longing for a good ol’ fashion country fair – Pie eating contests, vegetable judging, and hot air ballon rides (antique breathing apparatus?). Maybe you could get your body painting buddies together and have a good old fashion hoe-down, sort of Metro-chic meets the Waltons.
Perhaps I’ll just slide back into the inky shadows of lurkdom and wait for the next chapter.
15. Deb | April 17th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
Curiouser and curiouser…..
hey thanks for comin’ by, I always get a thrill when I see your name. A REAL writer is reading my drivel!! I have since framed your email saying I write so well and am plunging forward and well, just umm….writing a little more here and there. LOL
Still it meant a lot and was terribly encouraging so THANKS!
My dh attracts alot of this stuff too. I should ask Tree, is it the house or the land or YOU?
16. Staci | April 17th, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Zucchini and yellow squash - yum! Your ghost has great tastes (though I know nothing about parsnips). Keep in mind that each plant will produce a TON, though, and don’t plant too many unless you’re looking to give them away to all your family and friends. We had two zucchini plants last year (for our family of 2 adults and one kid old enough to eat real food) and couldn’t keep up. But I’ve discovered all sorts of great recipes if you ever need suggestions.
All this ghost stuff is intriguing. I’m glad they all seem so friendly!
17. ChristyD | April 17th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
You aren’t middle-aged, are you? I think we’re the same age, and I thought middle age was late 40s and early 50s. Please tell me you are not calling mid 30s middle-aged. Oh, and I love that you are so sweet to the ghosts. I can’t wait to hear more. And I am very curious about the energy flowing through the spot on your head. I want to know how that works.
18. sweetney | April 17th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
holy crap! bring on the ghosts, man! i [heart] the supernatural (so long as it remains over at your house, natch)!
19. s@bd | April 17th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
DAMMIT! I don’t believe in ghosts.
I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T
(I might a little weensie bit)
(and you & tree are FULLY responsible for this)
(i hope you’re proud of yourselves)
20. Lauri | April 18th, 2006 at 10:14 am
I love Tree…and this is soooooooo great! I always wondered how she did a remote reading. Anymore to the story?
21. the Mater | April 18th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Just drove back from Jenn’s (an all-day trip). Am pleased to report that I slept in three different rooms during my stay and no unearthly being startled me … the only wake-up call I got was a wet kiss from the dog :>)
I think Mrs. Kitchen was quite happy with all the serious cooking and baking that went on this holiday weekend.
To be continued … I’ll be blogging about Tree in a little bit too. But must let Jenn finish what she started first.
22. geogirl | April 18th, 2006 at 6:06 pm
Jenn, Jenn, Jenn….
There is no need to make up this elaborate story to hide your shame at having dandruff.
A little Selson Blue will clear that itchy scalp right up.
23. Dawn | April 18th, 2006 at 8:48 pm
My god, what will the man do if you grow him an eggplant? He will be blown away!!!
24. kelly | April 19th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Parsnips! Yum! If you want to know how to grow them, and what the hell to do with them afterwards, let me know! I have lots of practice.
25. roo | April 20th, 2006 at 2:53 am
I guess “Squashman” is better than “Pumpkinhead.”
And squash is pretty tasty– we had squash soup at my wedding…
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