LET’S JUST SAY, Part Two
April 12th, 2006
Needless to say, Tree had me at Hello, he smokes a pipe. Mr. Pipe! We have a Mr. Pipe who sits on the woodpile and strokes his beard and means us no harm! This, I can live with! Yes! Ghost jackpot!
She had David at Hello, he smokes a pipe, too. He spun around in his desk chair, gaping. (Good old-fashioned don’t-let-the-flies-in gaping! It takes a lot to make David gape! He is not a gaper by nature! It’s impolite in Canada.)
“WHAT ELSE DID TREE SAY???”
I bet you are asking the same question. So I will tell you:
“I tried to figure out your February issues next: first, I saw an older woman in the kitchen. She spent a lot of time in the kitchen and made bread on a regular basis. She was a very big woman, and hard working. I was a bit confused about how she appeared to me…she was making bread and kneading the dough…Details were hard to get, but I felt that she is your connection to February. Valentine’s Day was especially hard; she suffered instead of being happy. I’m sorry; that’s all she showed me about what happened to her. She also showed me a little boy. I am unsure whether he lived in the house or was a friend, but she showed me that he fell through some ice…it was a big event in the town. Might be something to look into.”
Mrs. Kitchen! We have a Mrs. Kitchen and a Mr. Pipe! This feels right to me! I am feeling much better about things all of a sudden!
I just want Mrs. Kitchen to be happy. I wonder if there is anything I can do to make Valentine’s Day happier for her. I am lost in Mrs. Kitchen thoughts. I won’t make her bread because 1) I don’t know how to make bread and 2) I don’t want her to think I’m trying to steal her doughy thunder, because no doubt the little lady could bake like a dream. But maybe I can paint the pantry for her, if she’s spending so much time there. Mrs. Kitchen will find happiness, by God! She will never weep ghostly February tears again! Rainbows and white light and playful ghost puppies will spill out of the pantry once we make things right for Mrs. Kitchen!
I see that David is still gaping from his desk chair. It’s beginning to look like a Perma-Gape. It’s very endearing, really.
“Maybe you should paint a little oil painting of a loaf of bread and we can hang it up in the kitchen, in her honor,” I say.
“Uh, maybe,” says David. He uses his lips only to make the two words, then they snap back into the Gape.
Later, I ask Tree if Mrs. Kitchen and Mr. Pipe know each other. I ask her if she’s sure these aren’t mean ghosts who are going to retaliate now that I’ve ratted them out. I ask if H-Belle is safe in Mr. Pipe’s pipey old room. I ask if Mr. Pipe and Mrs. Kitchen are watching us during delicate moments. I already have to endure Victoria’s Secret dressing-room surveillance and children who want to sit on my lap when I am on the toilet.
I keep asking questions. I can’t stop.
Tree is very kind and patient with me:
“Your house is friendly! The most negative thing is that there is some sadness…but the vast majority of energy is wonderful, welcoming energy. These people LOVE people…love children and are happy for the company. I do believe the pipe-smoker is a quiet observer, just enjoying being around your lovely family. And yes, I think the woman knows him, but I’m not sure how. Husband? Father? I don’t know. But I know that when she was sick he grew distant…
Anyway, your house is a wonderful house. Nobody is going to bother you. Yeah, they could be around during your more private moments, but honestly, they don’t think of pooping or sex like we do…it’s just not funny or embarrassing anymore.
You have respect for your house and the energy in it and it (and they) appreciate that. You are doing exactly the right thing! You can say hi to them if you like, or not…it’s completely up to you! And yes, Hannah is fine in that room.
You said you wish the woman could be happy…she is! She’s mostly in the kitchen and that pantry room. I do feel like she thinks something’s in the wrong place, though. But I couldn’t begin to tell you what!”
I take a look at our kitchen. Everything is in the wrong place. The walls and cabinets are half-primed. The table is covered with boxes and buckets of paint and rollers and tarps and BIN primer and foam brushes and screwdrivers and rows of little seedlings that Sophie and I are hoping will make it into the garden. We have not eaten in the kitchen for over a month.
Oh my God! Mrs. Kitchen can’t bake her bread! She can’t roll out her ghostly dough on our kitchen table BECAUSE I AM SELFISH AND TAKING UP ALL OF HER GHOSTLY BAKING PREP AREA!
“What are you doing?” David asks.
“I’m cleaning up for Mrs. Kitchen,” I say. “So she has a place to work. I don’t want to be rude.”
“Huh,” he says. He has stopped gaping, and now he looks very amused.
I am spritzing, wiping, shoving, organizing, arranging. “And maybe we should buy some pipe tobacco and leave it out on the woodpile for Mr. Pipe.”
“We don’t have a woodpile. We don’t know where the woodpile would have been.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” I say. “We could get him some of that cherry-vanilla–scented pipe tobacco. Is there such a thing?”
Gape has transformed into a Full-On Smirk.
“I just want them to know we respect them.” Suddenly I am horrified, remembering. “Oh God, I yelled at the girls today!”
“Everyone yells sometimes,” he says. “It’s okay.”
But I am disturbed. “But what if Mr. Pipe and Mrs. Kitchen don’t like it? Now I’m going to worry that they’re assessing my parenting skills. I have to require more of myself now.”
David continues smirking. It dawns on me.
“I was a compulsive people-pleaser. Now I’m a compulsive ghost-pleaser,” I say. “Crap.”
“I think you’re going to need to write about that one,” he says.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Boo! (Our resident ghosts)
27 Comments
1. Deb | April 12th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
oh Hurray!! They are friendly ghosts!
Hey, what about the basement and the champagne and wierdness down there???
Well, if Tree says it is friendly then it IS!
You are clearly sensitive to their energy. I would feel EXACTLY like you are feeling, as if I have to behave like someone is watching me….ALL THE TIME. Yipes…..
I am dying to find out what Mrs Kitchen thinks is out of place….that is so cute and kind of like an extra mother in law or something moving your stuff around the “right” way. I think she likes being called Mrs. Kitchen.
What fun, Jenn, thanks for sharing!!!
2. Vikki | April 12th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
What about the green mist? The orb? The breathing apparatus?There are more questions to be answered…
3. Simon | April 12th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
A little boy that fell through the ice and it was a big event all over the town? Ask Tree if his name was ‘Bailey’. Sounds like it’s getting crowded in there.
4. lindsay | April 12th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
um weird and um yikes. I would be burning sage grass all over the place!
5. Mir | April 12th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
You’re more worried about them seeing you yell at the girls than you are about them watching you boink? Interesting.
6. K~ | April 12th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Also,
what about the plumbing issues?
I am also wondering about the offerings you left and the repercussions of said offerings before the energy reading.
So many questions left unanswered
Mrs. Kitchen is probably still upset that you didn’t like her decor, and since you aren’t finished redecorating yet, she can’t bake her lovely bread.
And you thought that you had bad vibes in the kitchen, when all along they have been Mrs. Kitchen’s good bakery vibes
7. Liz | April 12th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Maybe… she would like her pie safe brought up from the basement? She has nowhere to put her baked goods and can’t remember what happened to the pie safe. Is it “restorable”?
8. the Mater | April 12th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
There’s still more to this story … and the most amazing revelation has yet to be shared.
I’m thinking that the poor Mrs. Kitchen may have been the user of the breathing apparatus. Maybe she was a victim of second-hand smoke from Mr. Pipe. She got sick and told him to take it outside, eh?
I’m driving up there for Easter weekend and will feel a bit unsettled now as I settle in for the night :>)
9. Lisa | April 12th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
I knew it was about the kitchen being in disarray…which is why I asked you about the house being redone……I just had a feeling about that. Hmmm interesting. I’d want to know the story about the boy….very interesting stuff young lady.
10. Lisa | April 12th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
I think mister pipe smoker was her husband……and she’s sad because he grew distant from her…..but what do I know anyhow? There could be something about that pie safe being restored and brought back to life OR some sort of antique pie safe being brought in to the picture. Poor Mrs. Kitchen.
11. the Mater | April 12th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
“Maybe… she would like her pie safe brought up from the basement? She has nowhere to put her baked goods and can’t remember what happened to the pie safe. Is it ‘restorable’? ”
Liz, I was thinking the same thing! I think that’s what seems “out of place” to her from when she lived there …
12. Andrea S | April 12th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Ooooh! There’s more to the story? I love me a good ghost story. Like the commenter on the last post:
Me: [wide eyed and shoveling popcorn, perched on the edge of my seat] And then?
Although if I were in your position (am I?? could I be?? shiver!) I don’t know that I’d be so comfortable getting undressed again.
13. Spot the Wonder Dog | April 12th, 2006 at 1:07 pm
.>
…maybe it’s not the past you see, but the FUTURE!!!!
(btw- if the folks from Human Services ever stop by, I wouldn’t mention the talking tree.)
14. the Mater | April 12th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
The “talking tree” is a she!! A real flesh-and-blood friend who seems to have “the sixth sense”.
15. geogirl | April 12th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
If the boy that fell through the ice was a big deal to the town I’m sure someone wrote about it.
Take a trip to the local library and do some investigating. See if they have any old newspapers on file.
16. TreeBob | April 12th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
I get the feeling she has a 6th sense as well
17. Lou | April 12th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
can’t wait for more!
18. Tiff | April 12th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
I’m with everybody esle. This is too good! And hurray! Friendly, happy, non-possessing take over your body like Linda Blair ghosts. Ahhh….tell me more!
19. marian | April 12th, 2006 at 5:37 pm
I’m very relieved to find out that ghosts don’t think about sex and poop the way we do. It would be just too much if that were the case.
20. Contrary | April 12th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Ok, it’s good so far, no murderous poltergeists, no evil spirits, just a couple of nice old folks. Kind of like live-in grandparents. This is good.
I think the pie safe idea is a good one, if it’s viable. And what kitchen couldn’t use a wonderful old restored pie safe?
21. kris | April 12th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
I so enjoyed reading that!
22. samantha | April 12th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
This story is amazing! Can’t wait for the next installment.
But I have a small problem - I’m reading this during the commercial breaks for Ghost Hunters! And I’m home ALONE! HELP!
23. mom on a wire | April 12th, 2006 at 11:31 pm
I am so so so so so so confused.
24. ChristyD | April 13th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Love love love your realization at the end.
25. Ana | April 14th, 2006 at 11:02 am
Cool! I used to work in an old deli that was built on top of an even older bakery. The huge ovens in the basement were bricked up but we had baking ghosts! They still used the ovens- I suppose they were only physically and not etherically bricked up. They barely aknowledged us but they were a comforting presence in a way.
26. Debby | April 14th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Bring up her pie safe!! I think that is definitely the way to go, and besides it will look wonderful in your kitchen. Unfortunately, I’m not much of a baker, so I use mine to store my, oh you’re gonna love this one, baking dishes!! LMAO
27. Dawn | April 14th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
Wow. I’m all atingle.
Trackback this post