Because every day is Mother’s Day
March 14th, 2006
My mom’s birthday is tomorrow (that’s right! go wish The Mater a happy birthday!), and Mother’s Day is coming up, so I’ve been looking for just the right thing for my favorite little lady.
So there I was, about a week ago, perusing the Gaiam (”a lifestyle company”) catalog wondering if my mom would like a Zen fountain or some yoga pants, when I stumbled upon this intriguing item.
At which point I checked the cover of the catalog to make sure it was, in fact, the Gaiam catalog and not another sort of catalog altogether.
Yup.
“Dear Gaiam Customer Service Team,
I’m searching for a special gift for my mom’s birthday, and the Kegelcisor (#43-0043 and #15-0786) really caught my eye. Your organic cotton pajamas (#04-0288) look very nice, but this year I want to get my mother something she’d never get for herself. I figure she’d get a week (tops) out of a vase of roses, but I get the distinct impression that the Kegelcisor is forever.
Before I splurge, I have a few questions:
1) Your catalog description says that the Kegelcisor comes in two sizes (the original Kegelcisor, 7″ long, and the Kegel Enhancer, 3 7/8″ long). I see online that the original Kegelcisor is $80, but the more petite Enhancer costs a full $10 more. This seems counterintuitive, but it’s true that I am not well-versed in Kegelcisors. I assumed the “more bang for your buck” concept would apply to the 7″ model, but now I’m wondering if the mini version (”ideal for beginners and those who want a smaller device”) is the way to go for Mom. Can you explain the price difference?
2) If I go in this direction for my mom’s birthday, I want to be sure I can explain the Kegelcisor’s features to my mother in full, so she doesn’t wind up using it as a rolling pin or as a stake for her tomato plants.
The Gaiam catalog description says “when inserted, the cool (70-degree F) temperature automatically causes your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle to contract correctly, and with regular use, helps reduce incontinence and enhance pleasure.”
Can you be more specific? My mother is the kind of woman who likes to follow a recipe exactly. Does the Kegelcisor need to be kept in the refrigerator between uses, or will it stay at room temperature? Does it require a cool-down period to keep it from overheating?
3) I know my mother will ask me about the three distinct lumps on the Kegelcisor. I was wondering if the manufacturer provided your company with any material on that feature?
4) I was thinking about having my mother’s bowling nickname engraved on the Kegelcisor, but I’m worried that the “lightly textured stainless steel” surface might not take engraving well. Thoughts?
5) I’m assuming this is a all-sales-final no-returns item?
Thanks for any additional information you can provide on the Kegelcisor, the gift that keeps on giving. Apparently!”
_________
Sadly, the Gaiam Customer Service Team has not responded to my product inquiry.
_________
I had better luck at the manufacturer’s site, where the customer reviews were compelling:
“I love my Kegelcisor! Being stainless steel, it shall never wear out! Every woman should own one!! Thank you!!!”
“All I have to say is wow. Sometimes I leave it in and do my daily activities. IT IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!”
“Unintimidating, sturdy and effective. Easy to use but would prefer to have explicit exercise instructions. Quick note, being stainless steel it conducts heat easily so be prepared to gently warm it up on a cold day and definitely wait for it to cool if you have put in boiling water.”
_________
But I needed more info. I found another place online that offered the Kegelcisor—a friendly company called Babeland—and emailed my questions.
A very nice lady named Kerry responded right away:
“Hello Jenn,
Thanks for writing. The Kegelcisor does have a paper with slight instructions. For a warmer and thorough welcoming, you might want to include Betty Dodson’s book “Sex for One” and a bottle of lubrication with your mother’s gift.
We also carry Betty’s Barbell, but the Kegelcisor is made of solid stainless steel and doesn’t have the possibility of chipping, so it’s safer.
The PC muscles can be exercised with or without a weighty kegelcisor, by squeezing and releasing the kegel muscles in a set of reps; it’s the same motion as stopping a flow of urine midflow. The coolness of the Kegelcisor can definitely contribute to the PC muscles contracting. However, like iron weights at a gym, room temperature will suffice to keep it cool. If she’d like it colder or warmer, she can run it under water or put it in the fridge. The bulbous parts of the Kegelcisor ensures that it bumps against the right places.
I advise against engraving the Kegelcisor unless your mother uses it with a condom. Bacteria can grow in the grooves and lead to yeast infections.
Babeland’s 30-day returns policy allows returns for any reason for this product, even after it has been used, so it’s a no-fear purchase.
Your mom’s a very lucky lady to have a thoughtful daughter as you.
Good luck and tell your mom, Have fun!
Kerry
Babeland Customer Fulfillment”
_________
All of which left me thinking:
Who is Betty?
Why does she do that with her barbells?
I forgot to ask about gift bags.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Birds, bees. (Sex), Time-out. (General insanity)
55 Comments
1. Spot the Wonder Dog | March 14th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
Wow…
That one gal’s testimonial says she just leaves it in to do all her daily activities.
I hope she doesn’t have to go to the airport often. I wouldn’t want to be the one stuck in line behind her at the metal detector.
2. lindsay | March 14th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
soooo funny! i think i might need a kegelciser….
3. ladytheaj | March 14th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
EWWWWwwwww!
4. Sami Zahringer | March 14th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
I went over to Gaiam for a wee look. It seems like a well-designed and useful product, but ‘STERILIZE IN THE DISHWASHER! ‘ ? I was confused, were you supposed to run a seperate cycle just for the Kegelcisor. It might be nice to have a lifestyle , of course, where one has the time to wash all the day’s dildos together, in one water and energy-saving cycle, but I don’t, unfortunately. So, I wondered, can you put it into the ‘china’ cycle with the kids’ cereal bowls?
I began to think that Gaiam lifestyle magazine was for another sort of lifestyle altogether, than mine. And $80-$90! I could get a ‘rabbit’ for that!
5. Steph | March 14th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Somehow I don’t think my mom would appreciate this type of gift. Also, I’m seeing “The Mater” in a whole new light! LOL!
6. the Mater | March 14th, 2006 at 1:00 pm
Dear Daughter (and Daughter-in-Law)
You have literally left me speechless with your unusual, but stimulating, choice of gift. While I was slaving over a somewhat serious socially-conscious blog at my own site, your fiendish minds were having quite a workout of their own!
I feel this blog deserves a full response and plan to address the matter after work today.
Devotedly yours, Mom/MIL
7. Spot the Wonder Dog | March 14th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
Now see, the nice thing about a boyfriend is that they come with a built-in kegelciser.
8. Woman with kids | March 14th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
Wow. Two questions:
Do they do overnight shipping?
Does this count as my daily exercise?
9. Elizabeth | March 14th, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Hee hee, your Mater said “stimulating”. I think that’s exactly what the Kegelcisor is for. But you might want to suggest she wear pants while using it, lest it slide out and fall the floor in the middle of say, the supermarket.
10. Diana | March 14th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
OMG!!!!!!!!!
11. Mom101 | March 14th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Okay, this is too weird but I MET Betty Dobson last week through a mutual friend. She is who they based all that “let’s look at our vaginas” stuff on, from Fried Green Tomatoes. Let’s just say I thought I was a confident feminist type my whole life until I went to her website. I am scarred.
Separately: toys in babeland. Great shop. Am I revealing way too much here?
12. Éireann | March 14th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Is it sad that I fully intend on getting my mom something…*ahem* similar for her birthday? That I am, in fact, planning on taking her to Good Vibrations in S.F. when I am home from school for Christmas and letting her pick out her own? That I spent fifteen minutes at the Vagina Monologes at my school discussing ease of use for these sort of *ahem* objects with a girl in my class I had known only a few weeks, and then…not very well?
What happened to me? When did I become this scary, scary person?
13. Jenn | March 14th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Maybe it should be a holiday. National Buy Your Mom a Very Special Toy Day.
A mother-daughter holiday, I think. Sons would probably want to sit this one out.
I think maybe I want to sit this one out. I talk the talk, man, but I’m a coward.
14. mom on a wire | March 14th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Oh. Mygosh.
That part about the boiling water almost KILLED me!
15. Nancy | March 14th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Wow! The perfect gift to get the mother with everything! Stainless steel, even!
16. K~ | March 14th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
The one gift your mother can’t live without.
The Kegelcisor/
She did admit that she doesn’t do the dating thing. Answer her prayers. Get her a gift certificate for a naughty store and then you won’t have to be curious about whether or not she uses your gift. Or what gift she actually picks out for herself.
You won’t have to wonder: “Is she using the Kegelcisor while she emails me? Talks to me on the phone? Posts her next blog entry?”
Then there’s a certain mystery to what she buys. And when it comes to toys, I’d rather not know what my mom picked out.
17. petal | March 14th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
I went to their website to check it out and it now says that this product is no longer available…did you buy them out or are they feeling the heat?
Oops - just went for a peek again and it’s back. Must be alot of activity going on on that website now. Would it be an appropriate baby shower gift?
18. nolamom | March 14th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
OMG! This is so funny, can’t stop laughing.
I went to Gaiam, I must admit, because I just had to see what this thing looked like, had never seen one before, let’s just say I was amazed. hahaha. Thank you Jenn, for the good laugh.
19. joy | March 14th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
sadly, i think i need to get me a kegalcisor. 3 years after giving birth, and i am having to pad-up before a workout (know what I’m saying??)
20. geogirl | March 14th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Well,
This just makes my vase of flowers look like a crap gift!
21. w.o.p.d. | March 14th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
I think this would make a great baby shower gift! “They” always say that kegels are the most important pregnancy exercise.
22. Mir | March 14th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
*Note to self: Be sure to visit Jenn’s site and drop copious hints about my birthday coming up*
23. Pam | March 14th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
http://www.bettydodson.com/
Link to Betty Dodson
24. Shalee | March 14th, 2006 at 6:11 pm
So being the curious woman that I am, I tried to see exactly what you were referring to with your catalogue link. The catalogue removed it!!!
Dang, now I have to google it. That may just lead to good times ahead for me…
By the way, I’m glad to see that your mother is still talking to you.
25. the Mater | March 14th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
#23 Link to Betty Dodson
Holy Hannah! She looks like Betty Crocker!!! I didn’t dare “enter” her site as I’m still in my office and on the company computer!
My God, Jenn, what have you wrought?! And Spot, now I have a mental image of Betty Crocker setting off the metal detectors in the airport :>) Suddenly, home cooking and what’s cooking are taking on a whole new meaning.
Catch my blog, folks, later tonight for a response to DOOC (daughter out of control). :>)
26. Contrary | March 14th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Yeah, if I got this for my mother, she would have been insulted and provided testimony from one of her (much younger) boyfriends that she didn’t need it. I had a different kind of Mom.
27. Mega Mom | March 14th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Ummm…am I the only one who wants to know The Mater’s bowling nickname?
28. Rachel | March 14th, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Oh, wow, this made me giggle…
I am envious of your relationship with your Mater, Jenn. I can’t quite imagine even contemplating giving my mother a kegelcizer for her birthday, much less writing a blog post about same!
29. K~ | March 14th, 2006 at 10:40 pm
me too!
Me too!
What’s your bowling nickname Mater?
30. moxiemomma | March 14th, 2006 at 11:42 pm
omg. bacteria. help.
my mother would have no idea where to find her kegels. none whatsoever.
i bow to the mater, whatever her bowling nickname may be.
31. cls | March 15th, 2006 at 1:25 am
Oh, the things we don’t talk about! Just checked the Gaiam website on the “Women’s Health” page and wouldn’t you know it, the “personal massagers” are, in fact, the very vibrators that Good Vibrations raves about!
32. margalit | March 15th, 2006 at 2:51 am
Oh my gawd, Jenn. If my daughter (who doesn’t even know such things exist, I don’t think) ever bought me a gift like that I would just die. I mean it, I would curl up and die of embarassment. My kid knows about sex toys, but the kegelciser…nope.
However, I COULD use one, and my birthday is coming up. I”m old and single… don’t I deserve a little something?
33. Jenn | March 15th, 2006 at 8:28 am
Katie Moss’s bowling nickname found a home:
http://entertainment.myway.com/celebgossip/pgsix/id/03_14_2006_4.html
34. the Mater | March 15th, 2006 at 9:46 am
margalit, I have to take you bowling. Maybe we should bring our daughters along. And let’s stay out of those other unsavory places where the paparazzi lurk … Kate Moss is obviously sharing her purchase with the wider world. Well, not literally, unless she remembers to play fair and throw it in the dishwasher first.
35. s@bd | March 15th, 2006 at 9:54 am
So this is, in fact, a sex toy disguised as an exercise apparatus ?
36. Neurotic Mom | March 15th, 2006 at 11:56 am
OMG you are too funny
37. Heather | March 15th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I love your ‘blog!
I began receiving Gaiam’s catalog after purchasing some yoga tapes from their Web site. The Kegelcisor appeared in their catalog around Christmas time and I was completely fascinated, particularly because the product appeared on a page along with lipbaum and nail polish. I left the catalog open to this page around my house hoping either my husband or Santa would get the hint and stuff my stocking. No luck.
I worried that if I ordered the Kegelcisor, perhaps it would be too big? (They offer the Kegel Enhancer, which is less lengthy and has smaller…um…nubbies). Or worse…too small. Particularly since I never remember to do my Kegels.
38. Ana | March 15th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
I believe the Inquisition used a different term for such devices. “Kegelcisor” just sounds like one of them new-fangled, science-y words to me.
39. Ana | March 15th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Actually, Kate Moss could get in trouble for using that in certain..uh…areas while in Texas. And I don’t mean areas *of* Texas.
40. Lasiren | March 15th, 2006 at 2:04 pm
You just KNOW that the people who buy those aren’t using them to exercise their Kegels!
*snerk* I want to get one for my high school choir teacher. She was always telling us “Ladies, do your kegels!” But she’s Mormon, so she may not appreciate the gesture…
Maybe I’ll get one to wear while I sing. It would certainly make auditions more fun… and with opera, it’s all about sex anyway.
41. TJM | March 15th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Will they offer a Sphinctocisor for Father’s Day?
42. Marian Lansky | March 15th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Boy oh boy. Moms have really changed. My mom couldn’t figure out how to use a tampax. And one night when my brother and I were teenagers she asked us, AT THE DINNER TABLE, “What’s this cunnilingus thing I keep reading about, anyway?”
43. Hermit | March 15th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
I will forever be the devoted reader but I have to say that the squeamishness around the subject of this post is rather surprising. Aren’t theatre majors known for their post-rehearsal massages? Wasn’t all that languishing around in black about Knowing things?
Yeah, she’s old now, but Betty Dodson is still a heroine. If it weren’t for her and other sex research pioneers, most American men still wouldn’t know what a clitoris is. Betty rocks.
In Europe, when you’re pregnant, the doctor tells you do kegel exercises to keep your pelvic floor nice and strong so you don’t leak pee by the time you hit eight months and your baby is doing the tarantella on your bladder. Then they advise you do them after the birth. Evidentally, they tell girls how to do them in sex ed, something I can’t imagine happening in America, but boy would Betty approve if they did.
44. geogirl | March 15th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
Probably not in Texas…
45. Debby | March 15th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
OK, I’m old, I’ll admit it. I have five grandchildren. For all of you youngsters out there, first things first. Bitch is what is engraved on my bowling ball and all the women in my league are soooo jealous. I also own more “toys” than I have grandchildren and my husband and I are very happy with them. Unfortunately, we are in the process of moving, so I packed everything up, and now it is taking too long to move, so my daughter is having one of “those” parties on Friday night just for me, so I can buy new toys. She loves me!!
Darlin, I think you should just let the Mater pick out her own toys for her birthday. Just get her a gift certificate to Adam and Eve or someplace like that and let her go wild. I’ll drop her a few hints when I stop by to wish her a Happy Birthday later.
LOL
46. Dawn | March 15th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
No, no- It’s neck massager. The Mater can get tense and the neck massager really helps her out.
That was what my gramma told me anyway.
47. redhot | March 15th, 2006 at 7:49 pm
i just checked gaiam, and the link was gone again.
i KNOW (toys in) babeland always carries it–and will answer any questions that haven’t already been covered.
www.babeland.com
48. audrey | March 15th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
My friend sent me the link to your blog because I got MY mom the Kegelcisor for mothers day a few years ago. Sadly, she didn’t appreciate it and gave it back to me along with the book I gave her on having a great sex life after menopause. Oh well, now I have 2 of them. : )
You can find it on the babeland site here if you don’t want to have to search for it:
http://www.babeland.com/page/TIB/PROD/safe-sex-sexual-health/LN360480
49. the Mater | March 15th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
“… Sadly, she didn’t appreciate it and gave it back to me along with the book I gave her on having a great sex life after menopause. Oh well, now I have 2 of them.”
My God, I thought one menopause was enough :>(
50. Debbie | March 16th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Well, the “cisor” part made me think of teeth, so I clicked the link just to see if this thing had any teeth — the post AND the comments have got me crackin’ up!!
I had no idea they’d teach girls about Kegels in “Sex Ed,” have there been that many changes in the ten years since I got out of highschool??? They really didn’t teach us much, the “film” was more like an hour-long ad for a maxi-pad and I probably learned more about sex from listening to the girl who sat beside me in Art class.
My Mom also asked the cunnilingus question too, and when I explained, her response was “Oh My God! You are SICK! You let him LICK around there???”
Well yeah Mom, that’s why I keep cookin’ dinner for him!!!
51. Izzy | March 16th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
The kegelcisor…rofl. I love it. But if it’s classified as a sex toy, rather than an “exercise device”, you won’t be able to buy it in Mississippi. Guns, yes. Hooha tighteners? No way, missy!
52. siobhan | March 18th, 2006 at 11:19 am
I saw this in the Gaiam catalog and thought the same thing you did … what catalog is this? Although I agree with Kerry that your mom is lucky to have a daughter as thoughtful as you, I also think you are really lucky to have a mom as easygoing as she.
Bravo.
53. the Mater | March 18th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Thanks, siobhan, for the sweet compliment. Actually, raising such a high-spirited daughter almost demanded that I learn how to relax and go with the flow! It’s become my survival skill :>)
54. kvetch blogger | March 19th, 2006 at 11:29 pm
I bow down to you, Breed ‘em. You are queen of blogging topics for the rest of my natural life. Hysterical.
55. porterico | April 15th, 2006 at 12:47 am
hehe, interested in the kegelcisor?, Dr. Stuart Bloch, the patent holder, is a business friend of mine. You should call him at The Institute for Sexual Awareness and have a chat with him about the gift for you mum. Thanks for the laugh… and I’m kind of shocked that anyone would accept a return on a device of this nature. Check out www.kegelcompare.com if you want a little wider view into this interesting genre of products. The difference in price between the kegelcisor and kegel ehnansor has to do with a marketing agreement with a doctor, and is due to expire in the coming months. I agree it is counterintuitive, and have discussed this with Dr. Bloch. We simply ignore this pricing silliness on our site. The therapy is what is important, different devices, different features. We just encourage people to try a product that they think they will use consistently, and thus get the best results. Cheers, Brad Porter, RN, BS
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