Come happy sluts
February 21st, 2006
God Bless Ye, Failed Googlers. Your failure is our triumph yet again (witness October’s shrine to the Scary Seekers, weep weep nude girls).
Behold the actual search strings that have led hundreds of very confused souls to breed ‘em and weep. All who wander online are indeed lost until proven otherwise.
I ask that you hold your applause until all the Lost Googlers have been named and properly categorized for all eternity.
IN THE BALLPARK
paint the storm door cranberry
dogs licking floor
middle age boobs
hattie nickname
grandfather was a carpenter
liev schreiber
KIND OF IN THE BALLPARK
challah bread covers
yiddish shizzle
open denim jacket busty
what is valium made of
funny in-laws from Canada
USED TO BE IN THE BALLPARK
aqua net mall hair
girl puking all over herself
HANG OUT IN MY BALLPARK AND FEED ME PRETTY GRAPES
funny witty responses
jennifer mattern magic spell
ONLY MY THERAPIST KNOWS ABOUT THIS BALLPARK AND SHE’S NOT TALKING
disassociative identity disorder
NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE BALLPARK
antidaycare
weekend cruise
cheerleader panties
empty nest support groups
gender disappointment and coping
KICK HIM IN HIS BALLPARK
post your wife naked
breed a blonde woman
how to breed your wife
GIVE THE NICE SLUT HER ACCESSORIES BACK AND COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ALREADY
slut clothes
slut in sandals
earrings for sluts
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT GIVING HER EARRINGS BACK
she puts me in her panties and girdle then spanks me
DUDE YOU SAID IT NOT ME
dressing room crossdresser
SANDRA AND RUTH DEFEND YOUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND THIS IS THE THANKS THEY GET
sluts on the bench
THERE’S A VERY GOOD REASON THE TALIBAN HATE CURLING UNIFORMS
Canadian sluts
A COMMA AND I’M STRANGELY CHARMED, A HYPHEN AND I SUDDENLY LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT LESS
come happy sluts
AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ROLL OVER
is it okay for dog to sleep with us in bedroom
AS LONG AS IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FIRST QUESTION
how do you know your dog is giving birth
GETTING REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THAT DOG
sharpie dog ear infection
SERVES YOU RIGHT
smell shoe dog crap
WITH THAT LIFESTYLE, PROBABLY A BETTER CHOICE
play doh dog
GET HER A SUBSCRIPTION TO BLACK INCHES ALREADY
wife wants black penis
wife wants to try a black monster
GET YOURSELF A SUBSCRIPTION TO BLACK INCHES ALREADY
how long does a black man’s penis get
YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN THE SUBSCRIPTION
bred my wife to a black man
MOST PERSONALLY DISTURBING
in laws massage horseshoe
BEST ABSURDIST JOKE SETUP
porn movie walking a dog
BEST ABSURDIST JOKE PUNCHLINE
dennis quaid muu muu
BUT YOU’RE WEARING A MUU MUU DENNIS
doh eat my shorts
LET ME KNOW IF YOU FIGURE OUT ANOTHER WAY
bathtime nude
OH GIVE IT A REST ALREADY
nude ballerina
nude daughter-in-law
my nude cousins
THIS FUNHOUSE IS RATED I FOR INCONSISTENT
funniest masks in the world
funny girl moans
scary boobs
NOTHING SEXIER THAN A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS
malformed boobs
DYSLEXIC AND HIS BEER TASTES LIKE CRAP
lager penis
SORRY I DIDN’T HEAR YOU I WAS WATCHING SESAME STREEP
meryl street nude
SHE’S ALLERGIC TO MERYL STREET
meryl streep blowing her nose
YES, BECAUSE THAT’S ALL WE TALK ABOUT, YOU MEATY STUDS
blogs women on penis
GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE
husband small penis not erect
GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE
why will my penis not grow
GIVE YOURSELF A HEMATOMA
penis bind
THREE GREAT THINGS THAT GO GREAT TOGETHER
benadryl and vodka
uncontrolled muscle movements
IF YOU NEED A CHASER
prepaid therapy
ASK YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE FLAT SHINY THINGS THEY KEEP ON THEIR WALLS
what i look like naked
I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO COULD REALLY USE THAT MIRROR
large t-shirts make me look even shorter
MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ALL THAT TIME ON YOUR HANDS
borrow sugar from the neighbor
pink cakes
ice cream between waffles
dollhouse popsicles
gravysicles
mary poppins mops
IN BETWEEN CRAFT PROJECTS AND BAKE SALES SHE MAKES FLASHCARDS FOR MORK
picture of a cup of sugar
picture of a waffle cone
ASK MISS GRAVYSICLES WHY DONCHA
do it yourself penis extender
make your own penis extender
PRETTY SURE IT DOESN’T COME WITH A WARRANTY, CHIEF
penis protection extender
PUT DOWN THE EXTENDER BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR TWIG COMPLETELY
extra inches extender how big
YOU CAN’T TELL ME YOU WERE SURPRISED BY YOUR WIFE’S REACTION
laughing mary mother of god
THIS IS THE LAST THING I’LL SAY ON THE SUBJECT
oh now you weep
THAT’S ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH IT
share husband’s small penis
SETTLE DOWN BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR SEASON TICKETS
lick ballet
TALK DIRTY TO ME YOU BAD BAD BAD CANADIAN CHAP
lick bum
NO YOU LICK MINE
lick my blog
LOSING STEAM AREN’T YOU
lick
WHO DOESN’T
love it when you call me big pooper scooper in my head
I THINK THIS IS A SCOTTISH PICKUP LINE BUT I CAN’T BE SURE
go on the fucking good thing, ye!!!!!
WHO IS THIS WOMAN AND HAS SHE GOTTEN A RESTRAINING ORDER YET
emily naked
emily nude
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, ASK EMILY
what is a heavy breather
EITHER PLANNING A CRAFT PROJECT OR A “BUSINESS” TRIP TO THAILAND
rice paddy babies
rice paddy dolls
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Time-out. (General insanity), See Mommy laugh. (Favorites)
31 Comments
1. Simon | February 21st, 2006 at 2:14 am
Your choice of exact placement of that comma makes a difference too, depending on your preference.
2. Sara | February 21st, 2006 at 3:00 am
Oh my God. Laughing so hard I am crying. Thank you, I needed that.
3. mom on a wire | February 21st, 2006 at 3:58 am
I am DYING. DYING I tell you! I am going to read this every single day from now until forever.
4. geogirl | February 21st, 2006 at 7:09 am
“..and his beer taste like crap.”
Oh God! CAN”T…….STOP……..LAUGHING!!!
5. Mir | February 21st, 2006 at 8:11 am
Geez, all I get is a lot of people interested in boob pus. I feel so inadequate!
6. Em | February 21st, 2006 at 9:11 am
Well, my colleagues now officially think I’m insane - having snorted tea whilst pretending not to laugh….must beat hasty retreat to somewhere I can laugh out loud!
7. Dawn | February 21st, 2006 at 9:11 am
What up with the Black penis? And anyman who uses the word “bred” or “breed”? Hello Josef Mengele!
Move away, naked malformed boob girl.
8. the Mater | February 21st, 2006 at 9:15 am
My dear God, besides ROTFLOL I’m hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack … does this come with the territory? I’ve hardly mastered my anti-spam controls; do you mean I’m gonna have a search list like this too? Why didn’t you warn me?
“Empty nest support groups”?!! Are they crazy - how do I tell these women to GET A LIFE … tagging this for a future blog piece of my own :>)
Really, Jenn, how did you ever get so street wise after 12 years of Catholic school?
9. Patti | February 21st, 2006 at 9:24 am
BWAahahahahahahaha! I never knew what a risky business this blogging can be! Keep up the good fight and…stay away from that bad bad bad Canadian bum-licker. *snort*
10. Tree | February 21st, 2006 at 9:39 am
Hahahahahaha! Those are so much better than the ones I get. Oh, I aspire to be like you…
11. suburban misfit | February 21st, 2006 at 9:41 am
Oh, the Scottish pick-up line.
Man, oh man.
12. Rachel | February 21st, 2006 at 9:53 am
A COMMA AND I’M STRANGELY CHARMED, A HYPHEN AND I SUDDENLY LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT LESS
::dies laughing::
You are wonderful. (And for what it’s worth, I’m with you on the punctuation thing.)
13. s@bd | February 21st, 2006 at 10:15 am
Oh. my. giddy. aunt.
14. JustLinda | February 21st, 2006 at 10:31 am
hhahhaha
I’m pretty sure that “how to breed your wife” should really have been “how to breed yer womin’”, don’t you think?
Those are funny. Love the categorizations.
15. Nancy | February 21st, 2006 at 10:38 am
ROTFL!!!! Oh — my — can’t — breathe!
16. jennifer | February 21st, 2006 at 11:03 am
how come you get all the good ones? hmph.
17. moxiemomma | February 21st, 2006 at 11:12 am
you’re making me wish for more crazy search term hits because i’m laughing so hard the children are frightened. the best i get is assmom.
18. K~ | February 21st, 2006 at 1:19 pm
This is too funny.
This list, and Mater’s blog
all in the same week
So happy that you’re still commenting here Mater
I went to parochial school as well,
and I would have to admit that while we might be more sheltered in certain areas,
we are naughty in others. This list totally proves it.
19. Diana | February 21st, 2006 at 2:18 pm
can’t…breathe….
Seriously, I’m going to have to stop reading you while I’m at work. I actually had to stop reading this a couple of times to wipe the tears from my eyes…my co-workers must think I’m looney…
20. Slimbolala | February 21st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
I get a lot of “lesbian urine porno” and “smoking mold.” Roll those all together and that’s one hell of a party.
Lovely, by the way.
21. John | February 21st, 2006 at 5:01 pm
So, the real question is: can we find Breed ‘em and Weep by using these search terms?
Tested my favorite, “come, happy sluts” (without the comma) and didn’t find you within the first ten pages of Google results. My interest waned after that. But I can report finding olsen-twins-news.com or something like that. That must have been under “come-happy sluts”?
Another good one: “meryl streep blowing her nose” — you are the VERY FIRST Google result!
And finally: “bred my wife to a black man” — you’re #3
OK, so search engines are officially weird… and whoever found you using “come happy sluts” was pretty desperate!
22. Contrary | February 21st, 2006 at 6:07 pm
I’m about to do a Google search on ‘consequences of washing your eyeballs with soap and hot water’, because, Ewww.
Of course, on the up-side, I now feel positively normal!
(I first typed that as ‘norman’ and then had to giggle over the idea of someone finding you by typng in ‘feeling norman’)
23. the Mater | February 21st, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Heck, with my lackuster social calendar, I may Google “feeling Norman” and see if I get a date :>)
24. geogirl | February 21st, 2006 at 6:40 pm
Stop it!
(gasp)
You guys are killing me!!
(doubles over with laughter, pounding desktop with fist)
Oh god…can’t breathe…
25. Debby | February 21st, 2006 at 8:50 pm
I can see the headline now:
WOMAN DIES FROM READING BLOG
A local woman died early last evening from a coughing fit brought on by an uncontrollable bout of laughter.
First I got Mater, then you tried to kill me. What’s up with that? I get something really good, then I get punished. The story of my life just keeps repeating itself. LMAO
It’s a good thing I don’t have a clue how to find out what search terms people are using to find me, cuz that would probably send me over the edge.
26. ChristyD | February 21st, 2006 at 9:18 pm
Oh my God, this is FUNNY! Thanks for making me laugh.
27. mama_tulip | February 21st, 2006 at 9:22 pm
I got to this part:
GET YOURSELF A SUBSCRIPTION TO BLACK INCHES ALREADY
how long does a black man’s penis get
…and put my head down on the desk and cried from laughing.
Go, go cock noir!
28. knq | February 22nd, 2006 at 7:28 am
LOL. I’m obsessed with these. Most recently I had something like “Condom Stuck in Uterus” — and others to that effect.
I suppose I should stop the whole birth control and uterus posts.
I love the nude ballerinas one. I’m always trying to find one myself. I’ll know not to look here for them now.
29. Patti | February 22nd, 2006 at 10:02 am
it’s still funny today…..now that’s just good writing!
30. Shelley | February 23rd, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Very funny. The only interesting one I’ve gotten so far is someone from France searching for “woman using potty.”
31. yawningdog | April 14th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
I think one of those is actually one of my blog post titles. Gee, what does that say about me?
AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ROLL OVER
is it okay for dog to sleep with us in bedroom
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