Cue the violins
February 11th, 2006
My mother likes to remind me to post on the blog. She thinks that without her reminders, I will forget about the blog and all you nice folks. “I’ve noticed it’s been a a pretty long stretch,” she tells me whenever more than 24 hours have lapsed between postings, like this time. “You think you’re going to have a chance to write something this weekend?”
I like to think of her as breed ‘em and weep’s quality control manager.
This weekend I am hunched and sniffling with a mean, mean sinus infection, and I actually might have forgotten about the blog had my
But David’s brain cells are okay. When I asked him to take out the trash, he said, Did you not read my contract?
Which I thought was very funny and very witty! Because of course we have no contract! Except for our prenup! The one that says should our marriage crash and burn unexpectedly while we are putting the kids to bed or changing the filter in the humidifier, both of us are entitled to point at each other and laugh hysterically at the complete lack of assets worth fighting over. You take the ear thermometer! No, you!
That is all I have to say today. Now I am going to go drink a half dozen cool and delicious juiceboxes and wonder if I will ever be pretty again. Then I am going to cry a little bit. And then I am going to blow my nose and try not to look at the apocalyptic primordial ooze that is coming out of it. Then I am going to drink another half dozen cool and delicious juiceboxes, and the process will begin again.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Playdates. (Relationships)
31 Comments
1. Simon | February 11th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Heck, when I’m sick, that’s my favourite time to look at what new art I’ve created in my Kleenexes. (Probably should type that out as ‘facial tissues’, being a brand name and all.)
It’s totally like, “Hey!! A fire-breathing butterfly attacking the CN Tower in Toronto. NEAT!”
Rorshach, eat your heart out.
2. Tree | February 11th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Hey! You have a sinus infection too? Seems as though we’re all passing it around. How come?
Let me give you some advice: don’t take Biaxin. ‘Cuz it sucks, my friend. It really, really sucks. More than the infection!
I hate when people give me advice.
Sorry.
3. Nancy | February 11th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
Hey, blogging when you’re all doped up on cold/sinus meds can actually be quite fun and doubly entertaining. You might read it the next day and wonder where you came up with it though…
Hiope you feel better soon.
4. bee | February 11th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
ooooh! I had one of those!!! It caused me to lose all desire for alcohol and most chocolate. I thought perhaps I was dying. I am better now. I hope you will be soon! Wanna hear something gross? As the sinus infection was leaving, I blew my nose and it looked like little brains! GROSS! Grosser of me to “share” that! Get well soon! Hugs!
5. Spot the Wonder Dog | February 11th, 2006 at 5:53 pm
Yeah, that Mater is a real slave driver.
Not so, with your old buddy Spot. Spot (who has suddenly started referring to himself in the third person) is happy to let you relax and take it easy for the weekend. Spot is so compassionate that he wouldn’t even dream of mentioning that those juice boxes have about 150 calories each.
No ma’am. Spot feels your pain… and in doing so, notes that your pain is… squishy… and clammy. Not so much a “kiss it and make it better” kind of pain, but rather a “poke it with a stick” kind of pain. Spot does not tease with vulgar analogies like “volcano of mucus”. Spot knows better than to use words like “oozing”, “pestilence” or “slimy”. Spot is more sensitive than that.
You have a restful weekend, and think happy thoughts.
6. Lisa | February 11th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Oh poor Jen….I had this same exact thing last week and missed three (yes three) days of work and was flat out IN THE BED. I was a miserably hag. I am still coughing and blowing but less miserable but still can be that same hag if provoked. Whatever this is…it gives you extreme *humor failure* to boot. I hope you feel better soon …..
7. JustLinda | February 11th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Aw…. hope you feel better.
What is it that compels us to LOOK in the tissue? I noticed this phenomena in 6th grade when Sister Rita would peek in every time she blew her nose, and now that I’m a grown up, well, all I’m saying is that those darn nuns taught me well…. Ew, gross….
8. geogirl | February 11th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
“guality control manager”…… Hee!
It’s ok Jenn. We all know how demanding those showbiz mothers can be.
I only hope the stress doesn’t get to you so that next year I turn on E! True Hollywood Story to see your mug shot followed by a story of a promising young writer who turned to a life of crime and later did a stint on sureal life (after the Playboy photo shoot of course)
(luv ya mater!)
9. Contrary | February 11th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
I blow my nose in tribute to you! We who are about to sneeze salute you! Get better soon! All done exclaiming now!
10. the Mater | February 11th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
Omigosh, Jenn, I didn’t really expect you to drag your suffering, sneezing, half-snoozing, salivating self to the computer and write in your blog today. You could have commissioned me :>)
However, it looks like misery loves company and you are not alone in the netherworld of sinus surreality. So hang in there please as your blog is infectious and laughter is such good medicine for everyone!
Love, Mom
11. Dawn | February 11th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
My whole family smells like something crawled into our sinuses and died.
Yep. New England in the Winter - Smell the post nasal drip…
Bundle up. We have a bad one coming…
12. mom on a wire | February 11th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
SERIOUSLY, Mater! You need a blog! I am not letting up on this!
13. Pink Rocket | February 11th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
{{{JEN}}} feel better soon!
14. sogal | February 11th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
here is a great recipe that will help your sinuses and tastes good and makes your house smell good too!
take a large section of ginger root - yes its in the store - in the produce section - it looks like branches - and put it in a pan and cover with water. bring to boil and then let it simmer for a good long while - you want to simmer about 1/3 of it away. it will smell really good - you can sniff the steam if you want - just be careful to not burn your sinuses. then pour some in a nice big mug with as much honey as you want…
drink very slowly and enjoy - it will open up your sinuses and soothe your throat, etc.
also do you know about netti pots? they are fabulous - its a warm salt bath for your sinuses - and yes it may sound icky to do but i swear by it - it really cleanses your sinuses and keeps all the bacteria and germs out of your system. and it will clear out the mucuous when you do get an infection or a cold.
feel better soon!
15. dawnananda | February 12th, 2006 at 3:18 am
Let’s hear it for the neti pot! Stir in some sea salt–stick the spout in one nostril–lean over your sink and slimey space aliens will slither out.
16. chris | February 12th, 2006 at 4:33 am
between the post and the comments i want to wrap my (not currently ill) self in saran wrap until the grass is green again. excuse me, i have to wipe off the keyboard and go wash my hands!
17. Mir | February 12th, 2006 at 9:15 am
Um, the ginger/honey thing is actually very yummy, but I cannot endorse the neti pots. I don’t know who came up with that name or why, but let’s call it what is is, shall we? Nasal douche. SALTY nasal douche. Just… no.
18. Katieface | February 12th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Hope the snowstorm gives you an additional excuse to snuggle in bed…hopefully the kiddos will cooperate and watch the damn videos already
19. jennifer | February 12th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
inebriated blogging? the best.
hope you feel better when you’re ready to feel better. for now, enjoy your snot, juice-boxes, and crying.
and yes, you will be pretty again. i doubt you’re far off now.
20. mama_tulip | February 12th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Why is it that juice boxes only taste good when you’re that sick?
Feel better.
21. Antique Mommy | February 12th, 2006 at 11:11 pm
Juice boxes only taste good when you’re “that” sick because your taste buds are numb! — unless you are two, then juice boxes taste good all the time.
22. ozma | February 12th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
Hope you feel better and that your smoothie chef shows up tomorrow.
23. roo | February 13th, 2006 at 2:47 am
Smoothie chef sounds like a euphemism for something dirty.
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well– hope the juice boxes do the trick!
“They’re boxy, but they’re good.”
24. Lucinda | February 13th, 2006 at 8:58 am
I put a piece of duct tape over the power button on the TV so my baby can’t turn it off, even if she wants to.
And I wonder if your smoothie chef caught what my sushi chef had? He was out for three days!
Oh wait. You don’t know me. I’m kidding.
25. Patti | February 13th, 2006 at 10:50 am
Hope you’re feeling better quick! That sounds like one heck of an infection!!!
26. w.o.p.d. | February 13th, 2006 at 10:59 am
So much for eating breakfast and reading the blog. At least my corn muffin doesn’t resemble snot (today). My mater is a big fan of the neti pot but I’ve never tried it.
And, yeah, when is the Mater going to start her blog???
27. Diana | February 13th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Yeah, the art of shutting off the t.v…trying to get it out of Little Man’s system. He stands in front of the t.v for a half hour pushing the button. Gets mad if I interrupt.
Sorry you’re sick. Waiting for my turn…it hasn’t come yet. but it will. it will.
28. R J Keefe | February 13th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
The Mater = Quantity Control Manager
29. tina | February 13th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
hi jenn! i’m sick too! i think i had food poisoning? but it lasted for a week, so maybe it’s a stomach virus? i still drank on friday, like a winner. who knows. still at work…
30. Sami Zahringer | February 13th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Violins are duly squeaking.
31. kris | February 13th, 2006 at 8:43 pm
Get Better soon, so you can come make us laugh some more.
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