She enjoys being a grrl
October 19th, 2005
“I think I just got a lesbian proposition,” I say to David. “Or a flirtation. Or something.” I am on my laptop, reading some new blog comments. Sophie is in the room, on the floor, coloring on a manila envelope.
David swivels in his desk chair to face me. If you ever want a quick desk-chair swivel from a fella, just click your heels and say lesbian proposition three times fast.
Scratch that. Don’t worry about the heels.
Perhaps I should wait to explain this. Nope. No impulse control. Must. Tell. Now.
“What?” says David. Count him in for this particular conversation. The boy is all ears. Hopefully Sophie is a little pitcher with no ears at all.
“Betty here says she wants to lay her head on my lap and run her finger down my tummy. She says she’s thinking of me naked and pudgy. She says—and I’m quoting here— yum.”
David looks vaguely let down. “Yum?”
“Yum.”
He is considering this. “A finger down your tummy? Seriously?”
Our little pitcher with the tiny but supersonic bat ears looks up from her coloring.
“ON THE RECORD!” she yells. We have been talking a lot about blogs and journalism and interviews, and she has taken to shouting “ON THE RECORD” or “OFF THE RECORD” at odd intervals as she sees fit.
This one’s in bounds. Apparently.
Sophie resumes her coloring. I resume looking at David, who resumes looking at me.
“Yum,” he repeats.
“Could I be misinterpreting this in some way?”
“It’s probably someone just messing with you. Somebody betting it will throw you off balance.”
“She’s a grrl.”
“I know she’s a girl. Betty.”
“No. She’s a grrl. No vowel. Two r’s.”
His eyebrows inch upward. “Oh. Grrl. Huh.”
“If a guy had written it, I’d be a little creeped out. Girl-to-girl comments are just good clean pudgy fun.”
“Maybe it is a guy.”
“Two r’s. And pudgy and yum in the same sentence,” I say. “Damn, I was just going to write about this. Betty beat me to the punch.”
David is perplexed. “Write about what?”
“How I’ve always been kind of bummed out that lesbians never hit on me. Not one. I always felt a little hurt.”
“Maybe you just didn’t notice. Them hitting on you.”
“No, I would have noticed. I knew the window of opportunity was closing. To make a bisexual memory that I can reveal to my daughters when I’m on my deathbed and have them realize that I was infinitely cooler than they thought I was.”
“Window of opportunity?”
“It was more like a sidelight. Or one of those cinder-block basement windows. Not a big window. ”
“Ah.”
“Seriously. I’ve never been propositioned by a girl before. Not that Betty is propositioning, exactly. But for the sake of argument, this is a new development.”
“Oh, come on,” says David. “What about that really hot and crazy girl-on-girl encounter from your college days?”
“What hot and crazy girl-on-girl encounter from college days? I never had a hot girl–on-girl encounter,” I say. “That’s a real good story, pal.”
“I know,” says my husband. “Would you like to add to it?”
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized, Birds, bees. (Sex), Playdates. (Relationships)
20 Comments
1. Dawn | October 19th, 2005 at 10:49 am
On your deathbed, tell Soph that Daddy WAS a girl - before you turned him, of course.
That would mean that you had lots of hot “girl on girl” action. In fact, my husband is my favorite lesbian.
2. The Homosexuals | October 19th, 2005 at 11:15 am
What, Jenn, you never knew? My inner lesbian has been longing for you since fall of 1996.
3. dorrie | October 19th, 2005 at 11:17 am
hey jenn–
Just a quick note to tell you you are my new favorite blog. I found you through finslippy (thanks, Alice) and have been peeing my pants a little with the Meryl Streep thing and have also been having fun with your archives. keep up the good work, it is being enjoyed in
Spokane, Wa
Dorrie
4. R J Keefe | October 19th, 2005 at 11:20 am
When you meet Betty, take Sophie as a chaperone.
5. the Mater | October 19th, 2005 at 11:24 am
Well, Jenn, if you keep prancing about in Al Pacino’s three-piece black suit and looking so damn butch … ya gotta expect the flattering attention!
6. Eulallia | October 19th, 2005 at 12:09 pm
I hung out in an apartment with a bunch of lesbians once. I was propositioned, but I was too chicken to do anything. Now you’re kind of making me regret that. But only a little bit.
7. Mom of 1 | October 19th, 2005 at 3:00 pm
So am I the only voyeur who had to go through the last few posts (unsuccessfully) to find Betty’s?
Where is it anyway?!??: )
8. alice | October 19th, 2005 at 3:16 pm
See, I thought you were talking about me. Now I see that I’ve got competition. And I don’t think I can compete with a grrrl.
9. geogirl | October 19th, 2005 at 7:06 pm
and yet you’re afraid to do the body painting…..
10. JustLinda | October 19th, 2005 at 7:31 pm
I’ve been thinking about hitting on you for days. Can’t believe that bitch Betty beat me out.
Oh my… do you have any CLUE what your google web site hits are going to look like now? hahahah
11. Sandi | October 19th, 2005 at 7:45 pm
You make me smile .
12. Spot the Wonder Dog | October 19th, 2005 at 7:50 pm
Wow Jenn. You have groupies. They’re just lining up to plow your row.
As you embark on your adventure of sexual exploration, just a word of advice… if someone offers you a “Boston Steamer” - say no. It isn’t a small appliance.
13. gina | October 19th, 2005 at 8:31 pm
Would you settle for a girl crush? I know you have lots of those!
14. OFF THE RECORD | October 19th, 2005 at 9:10 pm
backgammon, backrubs, laughing at Ellen together
vague, flirtatious, sweet
an offer to lay her head in your lap
and run a finger down your naked tummy (pudgy or no)?
holy portia de rossi batgrrrl…
CLEARLY
betty’s got it bad.
15. JenfromBoston | October 19th, 2005 at 11:11 pm
II was just ona biz trip where the hotel I was staying had showtime in lieu of the usual HBO. I caught part of 1 ep of the series “The L Word” and um,can I just say my, my my.
one scene in particular left me a little…stunned.
16. rubytramp | October 20th, 2005 at 7:40 am
Our neighbor lady propositions (kiddingly I believe) me weekly. When the boy is bad I threaten to leave him for her.
17. HollyRhea | October 20th, 2005 at 9:52 am
I’m calling it ‘yum’ from now on. You know, when I actually refer to it.
18. TC | October 20th, 2005 at 10:59 am
I have no intention of telling any of my “story” ever not even on my deathbed! LOL
19. geogirl | October 20th, 2005 at 3:17 pm
Found it!!
Post #78 Under the Blogs: The New Highschool post.
20. Chopin Gal | October 20th, 2005 at 7:17 pm
Just went back and re-read what you and then Betty wrote there.
It’s true Jenn … you do talk about naked fantasies at the end of your blog … no wonder the poor woman couldn’t control herself!
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